Living

Who am I living this life for.....

I fell sick on Saturday, vomiting and diarrhea and was not able to do anything else but to let my mind wander, hence to the question on who am I living my life for... I sent 3 ppl the question, P, doc and dimple walla... All 3 answered I am living my life for myself... now for a person who was already down, that answer did not satisfy me but I just accepted it until dimple walla added a few more sms to this.

He asked me if I could feel life, taste life, touch life etc and I answered yes, I can feel my pain, taste my tears, touch my tears.. for which he said I am being pessimist. I was feeling like a total crap on Saturday nite and I did not want to be cheerful, I choose to be sad, I choose to be crying, I could have brushed off my feelings then but I knew I had to cry, to let it out, I can't be strong all the time, I had the whole house for myself and I just wanted to cry...

Was talking to him over the phone and I did get angry, I donno why dimple walla ticks me, but I was upset with myself for allowing myself to be angry but I am learning, learning to calm myself when I talk to dimple walla. I could raise my voice to him and he does that to me too... according to him, he says someone has to take command.. I am just letting it be, not saying anything to retaliate.. what I noticed was, from wallowing into self-pity I managed to get angry and get out from the feeling of hopelessness......

I might never find an answer to my questions... I will never know what is the purpose of my living in this planet but that does not mean I am going to stop looking for the answer. Like what doc said, put my trust on God and let Him guide me. Yes doc, that is what I am doing... as I told you, I am scared of being alone for the rest of my life or what I told dimple walla, I want my life to be witnessed by someone... I am not sure if I will ever be able to live a life without questions but I shall try to learn to look for answers not only within me but outside me too...

I shall live my life for myself...thanks P, doc and dimple walla for giving the answer....