A morning message that made me sad...
I received a message from my former colleague this morning. My ex staff lost his baby, his wife who was also an ex colleague of mine carried the baby full term, she's due next week and last night their doctor could not hear the baby's heart beat.
This is sad... I kept repeating the word that I am sad... I just don't know what else to say.
Losing a child is never easy. I once read, it is easier for a child to bury her parents but not for parents to bury their child. I remember now how my grandfather was when both his sons died before him. He was so devastated, my grandmother was uncontrollable. My dad was their eldest son, he came into their lives after 10 years of marriage and my uncle came along 10 years later. A very small and loving family. When my uncle died first, my grandparents still had my dad but alas a year plus later, my dad passed away. It was a difficult moment for all of us. I was mourning and grieving for my dad but at the same time, we had to see my grandmother crying for her son. My grandfather was more composed, actually, I can't recall much of my grandfather that day.
When my grandmother passed away, my grandfather did the final rites, I was next to him, holding his hands when he was doing the rites. It was really really sad. And I cried that day not for my grandmother but for my grandfather for losing his sons and his wife of 71 years. That's a long time to have been together with someone. My grandfather passed away a year after my grandmother.
I asked my brother, did you realize we lost the core family, appa's family. My wise brother looked at me and said, no, we are still part of that family, we are their legacy.
Life.
For my friends EK & PS, my prayers for your little angel. He is with God now. You gave him life, but God gave him rest. Be happy with God little one. Uncle Syd will be playing with you...
I am changed...
Was chatting with my sister yesterday. I passed her details last week about my colleague's brother who is looking for an alliance, the girl being my brother in law's niece. Everyone was excited, girl is good la, the boy is nice la, the poruthum is matching la, so on and so forth. Then investigation of the family began, my uncle found out about the boy's dad's profession and they deemed it is from a lower caste. My sister promptly called me and said, please tell your colleague the 'deal' is off. I asked her on what basis is it off? What to tell my colleague?, for that my sister said, just say something.
I then asked my sister a couple of question. First I wanted her to tell me if she is happy married to a guy from a 'good caste'. Second, I asked her, why are we still saying we are civilized people when we behave such. It made me upset and angry. I told her a person's stature has got nothing to do with his caste, it is about him/her, their attitude, their humility, their compassion....it is not their caste that makes them who they are.
I called K to tell her what happened and she asked why am I so upset....
I grew up in a house whereby this caste thing has been ingrained and indoctrinated in our minds since the day we were born and it went on in our growing years. We were made to believe we were better then others, the arrogance and the 'I am higher than thou' attitude was paramount in my family...not just my immediate family but with my extended families too. I can't change much about my grandparents nor their parents mindset, at least I know my dad was a bit more open about this caste thing but not my mom. But, today, though I came from that surrounding, I have changed but I can't say the same about my siblings though.
Time has changed, it was hard for me to break out, I thought it was not possible for me to do that, coz, if you had asked me if I could marry a guy from a different caste then mine, I might have said no, or taken a longer time to answer but deep inside I know I can't do it. The message was too deep to undo. But it is not impossible, I know it now. Yesterday was a revelation for me, I understand a bit more of myself, I know I can change, and I am not bothered about what my family would say or think of me. This is me, I accept people, regardless their age, gender, sexual orientation, skin colour and finally I can add that I can accept people regardless their caste.
Krishna, thank you for opening my heart. I am only in control of myself. Ask me now if I would marry a guy from a different caste, my answer is yes, a firm yes, without a doubt. This is me, this gives meaning to my life, to my existence, this is me acknowledging my arrogance...at least a small part of my arrogance, I have still have more to go and a long way to go. God created us all equal, if we say we believe in God and we have faith in Him, then, why do we treat indifferently to other caste? God didn't create him? Man made all the rules, and we are so blind to yet follow these man made rules.
Guide me my Krishna....
