Dumbo

When I woke this morning, I thought I had to write something about my Dumbo and my friends, WS and ESI.

I met these fellas in 1994 when we entered college. I was the only Indian in a class of 40+ Chinese students and I just hit it off with ESI. We sat together throughout 3.5 years of our studies.

Dumbo is a tall guy who sat infront of us and was blocking our view, the first time he turned around to talk to both of us was in our accounts class...I was hopeless in accounts as I had never done accounts in school while ESI was much better off and Dumbo, being Dumbo, forgot all about accounts...somehow from there, we just became good friends and ESI and I are the only ones who can call him Dumbo :-)

WS came into our lives coz he was attracted to ESI and he slowly entered into our circle....

This was the group that was with me when my dad passed away, my biggest blow in life and they helped me to cope with life....they were there for every single step of my life after dad...they just waited until I finished crying...they were just there....

Now, back to Dumbo, he is younger than me by 3 years, but he bosses me around worst than my big brother. This is the guy who held my hands to cross the road coz I donno how to cross roads if I am not holding anyone's hands. This is the guy who waited at the bus stop one night coz I did not have ride back home (he only has a bike and he had to fetch his gf) and waited till a bus came and told me not to board the bus as it was empty and waited till I got in the next bus, he made sure I took off my chain and watch before even walking to the bus stop.

This is the guy who gave ESI and me a single rose on Valentine's day, he said he knows both of us don't have bf and he took us out on Chap Go May as on Valentine's day, he was taking his gf out...

This was the guy who told me when I told him that I m getting married to think carefully before I do it and when he dropped me off after dinner, told me that no matter what I decide, he will be there for me 100%. When I got married and was going off to US, this was the guy who gave me a big hug infront of my house and told me to take care.

When mom passed away, I was in US and he was the 1st person I saw online and I was crying and crying, feeling guilty for not being there for my mom, and he told me that I have done all I could all those years I was with mom, he told me not to regret, he told me this was life, he told me my dad would have been proud of me...

This was the guy, when last year I decided to break away from my hubby, I saw Dumbo online and I told him I need to talk, and he flew from sg and came and picked me up for dinner and we chatted and I cried and he listened...

When I was chatting with my salesman and I told Dumbo that I might be going out with my salesman, he was dead against it, he scolded me so much, he really did and after scolding me, he asked if he sounded like my dad, I said no, dad would not have scolded this much :-)

Last nite, I saw Dumbo online, told him I have not cried in the past 4 days, he said that's wonderful and I told him I am finally going to see the lawyer, he said good and most importantly, he said I will be okay.... then I asked him, "can you take me for a moonlight walk on the beach?" he replied " yes, I will be there coming Thursday and I'll call you and we shall go for your walk"...

This is my Dumbo and Krshna, thank you for giving me my Dumbo!

My Friend and her email-guy

I am writing this entry admist a deadline for an assignment due in less than 24 hours!

Just could not help it, well this is about a very good friend, P, and her email guy. Yes it is her email guy and I am praying that he is for keeps.

First, a brief intro of email guy....he entered her life mid of last year, my friend you see is a sucker for words and needless to say, email guy swept her feet off from his first message. The moment she gets a message or an email from him, you can hear the excitement in her voice, the appreciation of his words, heck the love for his words and she will go all dreamy about this and will justify herself that she can't help but fall for this guy.

One fine nite (yes it is nite, not day...just follow the story pls...) he called her at 3.45am and after talking to her, he decided to drive that nite to come and meet her. And that day, I received a 7am call from my friend, she hardly calls me tat early in the morning and I got a shock recieving that call!

She was excited, nervous, happy and every other possible feelings within her and she was waiting for him, tat was when I came up with my first grand theory that she was already in love with him. She kept denying tat fact all these while, saying that she was just enjoying the attentionlah, just loved his wordslah, etc...yeah, I knew it, just in denial :)

Well, to cut the story short, this morning I called her to ask about bibliography and refences (I did mention I have less than 24 hours to complete an assignment right!) when she was so happy...oh yes...another call...at 1.45am :-)

Now what is this with her email-guy? What's his obsession with 3/4s???

Anyway,I wish my friend that she'll have her email guy...oh yes, finally she admited that she likes him wholely...and yes, I am still waiting for her to confess her love to him by telling me about it as I know, she might not tell him tat, not for now that is.

As for email-guy, if you only know, I wish that you would allow my friend into your life, and trust me, the two of you are made for each other and I know my friend understands you and your life......

Grand Theories

I was talking to a friend who chided me for coming up with a grand theory and here's most of the theories we cooked up:

1. You are already in love with the guy even before meeting him if you miss him like crazy! [ this theory came upon when she was waiting for this guy to come and see her...I'll never forget the morning call I received from her....she was so excited that he was coming to see her...excited? nah....more like nervous!!!.....]

2. When you call the person and she is in an important meeting but still answers your call, then she is attracted to you! [ this came upon from a guy who is going to be 48 soon and still have no clue about life and relationship...he is at the moment attracted to someone!!]

3. After meeting the guy and he does not answer your calls anymore, it is because he is totally in love with you and if he answers ur calls, he won't be able to stop him from falling deeper in love with you..... [ this came up from my friend and I, after we lost my salesman and her 'email guy'!!!!]

I shall add on to these as time goes.....

Name

I know my Doc's name and it is so nice....

I love names and I love to know the meaning of names, it just makes me wonder how our parents want us to be by giving names to us that carries hopes and wishes to their new born.

I do beleive Krsna sent my doc to me, he is the ray that keeps me warm, my doc just listens to me, sometimes I feel really bad for taking his time, coz anyone who knows me, knows how much I talk and hardly let anyone else talk!

Doc just listens to me, even today, I was telliing him all about how I miss Ponggal, how I love to draw kolams and how crazy I can be with sarees.....and all he did was just listen and said all the right things.

I do hope I am not taking up your precious time doc, I know I can be a pest...not sometimes..more like always! I thank you doc, thank you for the rays that embrace me each time we chat...

Well doc. love u loads..

Life

I have not stopped crying...it has been a week....and I am still crying.

I kept asking everyone if I will stop crying and the answer is the same, I will but why is it that deep inside me, I know I won't. I seriously donno what is it that I am going to look forward to in life...I donno how I am going to go on living, I know I will, I have seen this, life goes on no matter what, how I am going to lead that life is the grand question.

How I wish, I have appa now, can I just sit between his legs and ask him to protect me from all these? Can you please stroke my head appa and tell me it is okay and you are here for me. I know you'll be so heartbroken to see me crying like this, I know you did not bring me into this world to cry like this....I am trying appa, I am really trying not to cry, but you know me, I cry so easily......

Why do I loose all the men I love in my life so fast? Can't I have at least one that I can keep forever? Why do they go away so fast?

Frankly speaking, I donno why I am crying, I am just crying....sometimes I feel guilty crying. I tell myself it is not worth my tears, but this is my life, this is me, I have to go through this, I have to face this and somehow it is so hard, it is so so hard and I donno how to handle this!

Oh Krshna, can you please show me how to handle this? I know you are sending all your angels to help me but it is not working Krshna, my heart is not comforted and I donno what will make my heart okay or whether it will ever be okay again....

If only appa n anney are here, perhaps, just perhaps......

Lesson of the day

My salesman scolded me today, scolded me for trusting mankind so easily. Well, the fact is, he does not know me well to say all those things to me. I just kept quiet, told him thanks and then told him since he does not understand me, I shall just leave it and go.

He was asking me to make him understand, told him no, I am too tired explaining myself to anyone.

I know why he came into my life, to tell me that I can move on...

I sincerely donno what is going to happen to me in the future, I am not going to ponder into it, but I know one thing for sure, this is my life, I am going to smile or laugh or cry the way I want it to be and I am going to do all that my heart desires.

To my salesman...adious amigo...

To my life....cheers!!

To love....thank you!

New Year

Been 8 days since the year began and I am already facing challenges...my biggest at the moment.

I spoke to him yesterday and I have been crying since then. I know this is the best and I know I am going to miss it all.

He told me yesterday that I was the best thing that happened in his life, that he would never find another like me, that I make 200% of a wife....he told me all that I wanted to hear.....but all I could think was "if I am all that u say then why wasn't good enough for you? why didn't you fight for me?"

U know something, I did not ask him, coz I know it is over....I have to put an end to this.......when I asked him if I will be okay, he said yes, I will be okay and that he will be there to support every decision I take. Ours will be a friendship that I will cherish forever.

I am going to miss him, I donno whether I will love anyone else with my whole heart ever again, but I know 1 thing, I am glad he came into my life and now, today, I am glad I am out of this mess...

I am praying that God will guide me. I am not asking for anything or anyone......I am just glad that I am at peace now. God, do please help me to walk this path I have chosen....alone.....please be my light......

I love u Kutty, I always will but now it is time I stop crying.....