Life

I have not stopped crying...it has been a week....and I am still crying.

I kept asking everyone if I will stop crying and the answer is the same, I will but why is it that deep inside me, I know I won't. I seriously donno what is it that I am going to look forward to in life...I donno how I am going to go on living, I know I will, I have seen this, life goes on no matter what, how I am going to lead that life is the grand question.

How I wish, I have appa now, can I just sit between his legs and ask him to protect me from all these? Can you please stroke my head appa and tell me it is okay and you are here for me. I know you'll be so heartbroken to see me crying like this, I know you did not bring me into this world to cry like this....I am trying appa, I am really trying not to cry, but you know me, I cry so easily......

Why do I loose all the men I love in my life so fast? Can't I have at least one that I can keep forever? Why do they go away so fast?

Frankly speaking, I donno why I am crying, I am just crying....sometimes I feel guilty crying. I tell myself it is not worth my tears, but this is my life, this is me, I have to go through this, I have to face this and somehow it is so hard, it is so so hard and I donno how to handle this!

Oh Krshna, can you please show me how to handle this? I know you are sending all your angels to help me but it is not working Krshna, my heart is not comforted and I donno what will make my heart okay or whether it will ever be okay again....

If only appa n anney are here, perhaps, just perhaps......