I have been thinking ....
Ya ya, it is not the first time I have been thinking...I have been thinking about some of the chats that I had with doc....the ones about love, one-nite-stands, marriages and etc...
I am wondering now if all that matters to me...has it changed? Have my principals and beliefs changed? I am not sure how to answer all my questions now...Doc told me not to think too much about it but I know myself well enough...I analyse every other thing that was said and done more than once...
I will have to have a chat session with doc to clear my missgivings...where r u doc? I miss our chats more than I miss you I think...:-)
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monorail
It was a nightmare....
I took the monorail on Monday evening and my god that was a new experience. The place was so crowded, I had to wait for 3 trains before I could board...actually I was pushed in...all I had to do was to stand and ppl just pushed me in...
But...yeap...but....I met someone nice...what happened was, I was waiting for the train with a Prof from MMU and we were talking when he decided to take a u-turn and take a cab to Bangsar. A lovely looking girl excused herself and asked me if the person I was talking to was from MMU. I said yes and we started talking.....
She was from MMU, a student who is currently doing her intern. I was telling her that this was my first experience taking a monorail and I could not imagine going through this every evening and morning...she said she takes 6 trains daily..the monorail, the lrt and the komuter....oh god!
I have no regrets using the monorail that day but I do pray I don't have to go through that everyday!
I took the monorail on Monday evening and my god that was a new experience. The place was so crowded, I had to wait for 3 trains before I could board...actually I was pushed in...all I had to do was to stand and ppl just pushed me in...
But...yeap...but....I met someone nice...what happened was, I was waiting for the train with a Prof from MMU and we were talking when he decided to take a u-turn and take a cab to Bangsar. A lovely looking girl excused herself and asked me if the person I was talking to was from MMU. I said yes and we started talking.....
She was from MMU, a student who is currently doing her intern. I was telling her that this was my first experience taking a monorail and I could not imagine going through this every evening and morning...she said she takes 6 trains daily..the monorail, the lrt and the komuter....oh god!
I have no regrets using the monorail that day but I do pray I don't have to go through that everyday!
Sunday, June 28, 2009
KL
I went to KL city.....
I went out to meet someone in KL city, Masjid India to be exact....and I hated it. Too many ppl...was complaining to my nephews and my brother in law :-)
Anyway, I wanted to say about something I saw on the lrt...2 couples...young couples....they were playing games with each other on the lrt..I donno if they realised ppl were looking at them or not but it was nice to see them being so in love. Another couple with a small baby, looked so nice seeing the parents playing with the baby...
I do miss those moments...making sweet memories...then I tot...I had my sweet memories with doc last week...all I wish now is I can make many more sweet memories to last me a life time...
I can't wait to go home....
I went out to meet someone in KL city, Masjid India to be exact....and I hated it. Too many ppl...was complaining to my nephews and my brother in law :-)
Anyway, I wanted to say about something I saw on the lrt...2 couples...young couples....they were playing games with each other on the lrt..I donno if they realised ppl were looking at them or not but it was nice to see them being so in love. Another couple with a small baby, looked so nice seeing the parents playing with the baby...
I do miss those moments...making sweet memories...then I tot...I had my sweet memories with doc last week...all I wish now is I can make many more sweet memories to last me a life time...
I can't wait to go home....
Thursday, June 25, 2009
The Morning After
Will he keep in touch or not????
I was having this question in my mind.....will doc be still my doc or is he going to go away?? My tots were put to rest when I received a good morning wish from doc and a wish for a beautiful day for me......it was lovely to wake up to that msg......
I do wish I can meet doc tonite, for a mocha since he does not know wat a mocha is....Well doc does not drink coffee or tea....only milo....cute right?? Kanak - kanak riang membesar :-)
I donno if last nite was the only nite I would have had with my doc....
My tots of doc.....he is gentle....does not say much.......attentive listener......very good in something I like to do..........a simple guy.......a sweet guy.......a great friend.....
Krshna, can you pls make doc to stay.......be my friend........just the way we are now.....I am happy with doc as we are ........
I was having this question in my mind.....will doc be still my doc or is he going to go away?? My tots were put to rest when I received a good morning wish from doc and a wish for a beautiful day for me......it was lovely to wake up to that msg......
I do wish I can meet doc tonite, for a mocha since he does not know wat a mocha is....Well doc does not drink coffee or tea....only milo....cute right?? Kanak - kanak riang membesar :-)
I donno if last nite was the only nite I would have had with my doc....
My tots of doc.....he is gentle....does not say much.......attentive listener......very good in something I like to do..........a simple guy.......a sweet guy.......a great friend.....
Krshna, can you pls make doc to stay.......be my friend........just the way we are now.....I am happy with doc as we are ........
A lovely evening
I loved the way my day ended last nite.....
I had my black suit on to meet doc for dinner.....it was a rush, I was all afternoon doing exam papers for Ms L and the moment I left her place, doc msged saying he will be ready in 35 minutes...god I need that much time to reach home...
Rushed back, had a quick shower, got dressed and off I went to pick doc......he was smart in a batik....very casual but he looked good...I do think doc needs a few more kg to his bones....he will look better :-)
Anyway, after picking him, went back to the house, doc wanted to see my bears.....he did......but he said he was expecting for more.....may be, I should call doc again to the house after 10 years.....then may be I would have more bears :-)
From the house, we went to the Bulgarian restaurant.....along the way, as usual I was talking away and doc was listening.....I asked him if he had named the bear......oh ya, I gave doc a teddy bear for his 40th birthday...cool ya?? Wat was cooler was the fact doc carried the bear to the hotel without hiding it from anyone.....I really admire a guy who is confident of himself ......cool!
Anyway, dinner was okay, I enjoyed my food and doc I hope enjoyed the ambiance....it was a lovely dinner.......the only embarrassing part was my bracelet getting stuck to the table cloth....so when in the car, I asked him to remove the bracelet....coz it was getting stuck to my car seat as well....
We went for a drive all the way to Teluk Bahang and I do think doc was holding his heart in his hands looking at the way I was driving...he kept saying the roads were narrow and winding but I was as usual okay with the roads...after a while I was telling him my fingers are getting cold and asked him how he is doing when he replied saying my bracelet is keeping him warm....oh god....I was thinking in my mind 'can you please hold my hands and say you are keeping me warm" that I think would have really melted my heartlah.....biasakan hopeless romantic!
We just drove and I was pointing out places to him.....Gurney Drive....Coastal Road.....Penang Bridge and all the time thinking what am I suppose to do after this......I donno if doc was okay to be with me or not.....I did tell him in the beginging of the evening if he wants me to u-turn, I will do it....but he said no...let's go for dinner......
Well, when we were passing KFC I think doc felt safe.....he was on safe ground......the roads were straight and he knew eq was nearby and finally I guess he relaxed a bit...
The remainder part of the evening.......to summarise it....I did not expect how the evening would turn out to be.....it was beyond what I tot would be and I have no regrets to end my day with my doc in that manner....but I loved every moment I spent with him.......oh ya....Sanjaya....that's the name of the doc's teddy bear...
Doc, I know you would be reading this and I know I asked your permission to write how I felt.....but I still think somethings can't be written here but trust me I had a lovely nite.......
I had my black suit on to meet doc for dinner.....it was a rush, I was all afternoon doing exam papers for Ms L and the moment I left her place, doc msged saying he will be ready in 35 minutes...god I need that much time to reach home...
Rushed back, had a quick shower, got dressed and off I went to pick doc......he was smart in a batik....very casual but he looked good...I do think doc needs a few more kg to his bones....he will look better :-)
Anyway, after picking him, went back to the house, doc wanted to see my bears.....he did......but he said he was expecting for more.....may be, I should call doc again to the house after 10 years.....then may be I would have more bears :-)
From the house, we went to the Bulgarian restaurant.....along the way, as usual I was talking away and doc was listening.....I asked him if he had named the bear......oh ya, I gave doc a teddy bear for his 40th birthday...cool ya?? Wat was cooler was the fact doc carried the bear to the hotel without hiding it from anyone.....I really admire a guy who is confident of himself ......cool!
Anyway, dinner was okay, I enjoyed my food and doc I hope enjoyed the ambiance....it was a lovely dinner.......the only embarrassing part was my bracelet getting stuck to the table cloth....so when in the car, I asked him to remove the bracelet....coz it was getting stuck to my car seat as well....
We went for a drive all the way to Teluk Bahang and I do think doc was holding his heart in his hands looking at the way I was driving...he kept saying the roads were narrow and winding but I was as usual okay with the roads...after a while I was telling him my fingers are getting cold and asked him how he is doing when he replied saying my bracelet is keeping him warm....oh god....I was thinking in my mind 'can you please hold my hands and say you are keeping me warm" that I think would have really melted my heartlah.....biasakan hopeless romantic!
We just drove and I was pointing out places to him.....Gurney Drive....Coastal Road.....Penang Bridge and all the time thinking what am I suppose to do after this......I donno if doc was okay to be with me or not.....I did tell him in the beginging of the evening if he wants me to u-turn, I will do it....but he said no...let's go for dinner......
Well, when we were passing KFC I think doc felt safe.....he was on safe ground......the roads were straight and he knew eq was nearby and finally I guess he relaxed a bit...
The remainder part of the evening.......to summarise it....I did not expect how the evening would turn out to be.....it was beyond what I tot would be and I have no regrets to end my day with my doc in that manner....but I loved every moment I spent with him.......oh ya....Sanjaya....that's the name of the doc's teddy bear...
Doc, I know you would be reading this and I know I asked your permission to write how I felt.....but I still think somethings can't be written here but trust me I had a lovely nite.......
Blunder
I did something bad.......
I told doc I knew the place he was suppose to go and hence after picking from eq, I was happily driving him and showing him houses I like, the roads, we even went to say Hi to Romeo and Juliet....
I was so confident about the location of doc's first day of the conference but when we were there, I realised it was not the place and God, I felt so bad about the whole thing.....Doc would have been cursing me inside his heart but he was nice enough to tell me not to worry....but I felt so guilty for messing up his schedule/his morning!
The place was at the mainland....oh God.....I donno mainland.....matilah!!!
I told doc to take the ferry and cross over and then get a cab from there, that would have been faster than me driving him there and looking for the place.....and in my mind I tot doc was never going to see me again and he is not going to forgive me and he would have tot that I was the biggest mistake he had made in his life....
Man.....I felt so bad.....aiyooooooo.....dumb me!!!!
Anyhow, doc managed to go over to Butterworth and he managed to find the place easily and I felt a bit better...but I was trully sorry for messing up his morning!!
I told doc I knew the place he was suppose to go and hence after picking from eq, I was happily driving him and showing him houses I like, the roads, we even went to say Hi to Romeo and Juliet....
I was so confident about the location of doc's first day of the conference but when we were there, I realised it was not the place and God, I felt so bad about the whole thing.....Doc would have been cursing me inside his heart but he was nice enough to tell me not to worry....but I felt so guilty for messing up his schedule/his morning!
The place was at the mainland....oh God.....I donno mainland.....matilah!!!
I told doc to take the ferry and cross over and then get a cab from there, that would have been faster than me driving him there and looking for the place.....and in my mind I tot doc was never going to see me again and he is not going to forgive me and he would have tot that I was the biggest mistake he had made in his life....
Man.....I felt so bad.....aiyooooooo.....dumb me!!!!
Anyhow, doc managed to go over to Butterworth and he managed to find the place easily and I felt a bit better...but I was trully sorry for messing up his morning!!
My Doc
I finally met him.........
Oh gosh, I finally met doc and I heard his voice and I did say that too to him :-)
I was a nervous wreck that morning, his flight was suppose to land at the Penang airport at 8.15am and when I entered the airport, it was 8.18am...good...I was not late... I sat looking out for my doc, somehow I know the moment I see him, he is going to be my doc...
As time passed, doc was not insight and I just could not sit anymore and so I stood and went behind a pillar and I would see everyone coming out from the arrival hall...and there he was, my doc, pulling his bag and having this lovely smile on his face and I could see his eyes were searching for me.....made my heart skip once as I witnessed the look of searching for someone in the crowd...
I went right infront of him and said.."I am here doc, I am not hiding from you" ...I have no idea why I said that, I know I was looking for something nice to say to doc, it is afterall my first words to him and I wanted to say something nice but these was all I could say...
Doc was cute, he did not know wat to do at the moment, I know I have been asking for hugs from him and I did tell him in a serious note over the chat that I will give him a hug when I see him at the airport and of course knowing me, I wouldn't dare do such things...
He was cool, I was nervous...perhaps I was scared of not being accepted by him, I donno, but somehow I know I talked too much and he did not. At first I thought he was shy but I realised it is not that, Doc is someone who listens rather than talk......so he listened to my chattering....
I have only one thing to say about my doc...it was nice to meet a friend..........
Oh gosh, I finally met doc and I heard his voice and I did say that too to him :-)
I was a nervous wreck that morning, his flight was suppose to land at the Penang airport at 8.15am and when I entered the airport, it was 8.18am...good...I was not late... I sat looking out for my doc, somehow I know the moment I see him, he is going to be my doc...
As time passed, doc was not insight and I just could not sit anymore and so I stood and went behind a pillar and I would see everyone coming out from the arrival hall...and there he was, my doc, pulling his bag and having this lovely smile on his face and I could see his eyes were searching for me.....made my heart skip once as I witnessed the look of searching for someone in the crowd...
I went right infront of him and said.."I am here doc, I am not hiding from you" ...I have no idea why I said that, I know I was looking for something nice to say to doc, it is afterall my first words to him and I wanted to say something nice but these was all I could say...
Doc was cute, he did not know wat to do at the moment, I know I have been asking for hugs from him and I did tell him in a serious note over the chat that I will give him a hug when I see him at the airport and of course knowing me, I wouldn't dare do such things...
He was cool, I was nervous...perhaps I was scared of not being accepted by him, I donno, but somehow I know I talked too much and he did not. At first I thought he was shy but I realised it is not that, Doc is someone who listens rather than talk......so he listened to my chattering....
I have only one thing to say about my doc...it was nice to meet a friend..........
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
3 am
I could not sleep last nite.....
Was talking to Kutty last nite when he told me he is bringing his family to the States. I know this was coming but somehow my heart still broke. I know I am being silly here, Kutty belongs to someone else and I am just me...alone in this world...
I donno what is hurting me so much.....oh Krshna, I am crying my heart out now......is it the fact that I have lost him forever? Why do I love him so much?? I have no answers to it. He said he knows I am hurt...I told him this is too late.....he made his choice not now......it was years back... I do know why I am so sad, Kutty is the only person when I am with him I am my trueself, I never hid anything from him, I say whatever I feel and I am just me when I am with him. I am not sure if I will ever find another person like that in my life......hope?
I know I will be okay.... I am going to give myself this moment to cry, later I shall dry my tears and smile as I know life has more to offer...
Krshna might have planned for me not to have anyone in my life......and now I am prepared to accept it....I do wish I know wat is going to happen though...
Guess it is better to be in love and never to have been in love at all....I know dumb theory.....I am just trying to make myself okay...self healing is the best healing process I think....
Got to tell myself to smile......I am now.......that is good.......
Was talking to Kutty last nite when he told me he is bringing his family to the States. I know this was coming but somehow my heart still broke. I know I am being silly here, Kutty belongs to someone else and I am just me...alone in this world...
I donno what is hurting me so much.....oh Krshna, I am crying my heart out now......is it the fact that I have lost him forever? Why do I love him so much?? I have no answers to it. He said he knows I am hurt...I told him this is too late.....he made his choice not now......it was years back... I do know why I am so sad, Kutty is the only person when I am with him I am my trueself, I never hid anything from him, I say whatever I feel and I am just me when I am with him. I am not sure if I will ever find another person like that in my life......hope?
I know I will be okay.... I am going to give myself this moment to cry, later I shall dry my tears and smile as I know life has more to offer...
Krshna might have planned for me not to have anyone in my life......and now I am prepared to accept it....I do wish I know wat is going to happen though...
Guess it is better to be in love and never to have been in love at all....I know dumb theory.....I am just trying to make myself okay...self healing is the best healing process I think....
Got to tell myself to smile......I am now.......that is good.......
Monday, June 22, 2009
To be or not to be?
That's a question........
Doc asked me in chat whether if given a choice to be a man, would I accept it? My answer.....No... I told doc I like being who I am......I said I can cry and I can laugh and this is accepted by society, I told him I like my feminity.... like being who I am.....
I do believe there is no distinct difference between a man and woman besides the physical being..... emotionally/mentally I do believe we r the same.... I mean both genders get hurt, both r happy for various reasons.... I mean a broken heart hurts the same between a guy and a lady or it does not?
I donno if there is a right or wrong answer to this.....for me, after going through so much in life, I would still like to be a female......one who is strong to face the world and proud to hold her head high and walk with dignity for being born a lady....
Doc asked me in chat whether if given a choice to be a man, would I accept it? My answer.....No... I told doc I like being who I am......I said I can cry and I can laugh and this is accepted by society, I told him I like my feminity.... like being who I am.....
I do believe there is no distinct difference between a man and woman besides the physical being..... emotionally/mentally I do believe we r the same.... I mean both genders get hurt, both r happy for various reasons.... I mean a broken heart hurts the same between a guy and a lady or it does not?
I donno if there is a right or wrong answer to this.....for me, after going through so much in life, I would still like to be a female......one who is strong to face the world and proud to hold her head high and walk with dignity for being born a lady....
A proposal
Someone proposed to me......
Oh god, this guy I chatted with proposed to me after chatting with me in less than 30 minutes, he made me laugh and then he made me think...... These days I am happy being me but at times I feel lonely and I do wish I have someone to share my happiness/ life with.
What the guy made me think was .... will I just accept anyone coz I am lonely and all that I want is to belong to someone? That made me think really hard and I started talking to Krshna.... I asked Krshna to think carefully on what He wants me to do as He would know how crazy I can be... I know I will be find... I also know if I do do something crazy, I will still not regret it.. I will say...everything happens for a reason! and move on with life......
To the guy who proposed to me......I did not continue chatting him.....
Oh god, this guy I chatted with proposed to me after chatting with me in less than 30 minutes, he made me laugh and then he made me think...... These days I am happy being me but at times I feel lonely and I do wish I have someone to share my happiness/ life with.
What the guy made me think was .... will I just accept anyone coz I am lonely and all that I want is to belong to someone? That made me think really hard and I started talking to Krshna.... I asked Krshna to think carefully on what He wants me to do as He would know how crazy I can be... I know I will be find... I also know if I do do something crazy, I will still not regret it.. I will say...everything happens for a reason! and move on with life......
To the guy who proposed to me......I did not continue chatting him.....
40 hours
Just 40 hours to go.....
My doc will be here in less than 40 hours and I am excited, nervous, butterflies fluttering inside of me!!! Why am I feeling all these? I know why, I don't want to loose doc. I am afraid after meeting him, he just goes away.......like wat email guy did to P.
Doc is a wonderful friend and I want to keep him if he wants to stay......I asked doc this question.."Do you think things will change once we have met?" Doc replied......"don't be silly".....a girl can really fall for my doc :-)
Krshna, thank you for giving my doc to me........
My doc will be here in less than 40 hours and I am excited, nervous, butterflies fluttering inside of me!!! Why am I feeling all these? I know why, I don't want to loose doc. I am afraid after meeting him, he just goes away.......like wat email guy did to P.
Doc is a wonderful friend and I want to keep him if he wants to stay......I asked doc this question.."Do you think things will change once we have met?" Doc replied......"don't be silly".....a girl can really fall for my doc :-)
Krshna, thank you for giving my doc to me........
My Partner
He is sweet.......
My study partner is a sweet guy, why do I say so? He carries my notebook when I am with him, he opens the door to the car, he greets me with his cheerful voice...he is just a gentleman. I really thought I have met a guy who is very sweet and I could have lost my heart to him if he is not married.....
18 June was his birthday and he picked my up from my house to go out for lunch. I took the day off....was it because of him...I donno...but I was at home and I went out with him and we enjoyed our lunch...we spent 2 hours over lunch.......chatting.........catching up......well we did not meet for a month so we had lots to talk......we shared a toast :-)
Well, last weekend, I found out something about him, he is the classic guy....the one who provides and takes care of the family and he is also the kind that decides everything and the wife should just follow everything he says.......somehow, that broke my heart a bit..... but then I realised, I am not married to him, so it is okay for him to be who he is...
I guess everyone of us have two sides of our lives.......1 that we show to everyone and the other that we show to selected people......and I saw a glimpse of my partner over the weekend that he does not show to everyone!!
My study partner is a sweet guy, why do I say so? He carries my notebook when I am with him, he opens the door to the car, he greets me with his cheerful voice...he is just a gentleman. I really thought I have met a guy who is very sweet and I could have lost my heart to him if he is not married.....
18 June was his birthday and he picked my up from my house to go out for lunch. I took the day off....was it because of him...I donno...but I was at home and I went out with him and we enjoyed our lunch...we spent 2 hours over lunch.......chatting.........catching up......well we did not meet for a month so we had lots to talk......we shared a toast :-)
Well, last weekend, I found out something about him, he is the classic guy....the one who provides and takes care of the family and he is also the kind that decides everything and the wife should just follow everything he says.......somehow, that broke my heart a bit..... but then I realised, I am not married to him, so it is okay for him to be who he is...
I guess everyone of us have two sides of our lives.......1 that we show to everyone and the other that we show to selected people......and I saw a glimpse of my partner over the weekend that he does not show to everyone!!
Just busy
Been very busy .........
Been sometime since I posted something on my blog.....What was I doing? Busy with the Recognition Nite at college and writing a paper.....Both events turned out great, the paper accepted for the conference and the Nite was a smash hit!
Talking about the Nite, I made a very sexy looking blouse and I actually wore it too...god knows what got into me to make the blouse, but I did....regrets? Nope....I justified that this might be the only time I can wear such blouse as the moment I feel I am old, I am not going to wear anything like this anymore...well, I do think I made a few heads turn on that night...my Chinese colleagues kept asking me to be natural as I was pulling my saree to cover...my anney told me to cover and the Indian colleagues admired my guts!
I have done crazy stuff and I would like to add this to the list. My happy memories perhaps??
Been sometime since I posted something on my blog.....What was I doing? Busy with the Recognition Nite at college and writing a paper.....Both events turned out great, the paper accepted for the conference and the Nite was a smash hit!
Talking about the Nite, I made a very sexy looking blouse and I actually wore it too...god knows what got into me to make the blouse, but I did....regrets? Nope....I justified that this might be the only time I can wear such blouse as the moment I feel I am old, I am not going to wear anything like this anymore...well, I do think I made a few heads turn on that night...my Chinese colleagues kept asking me to be natural as I was pulling my saree to cover...my anney told me to cover and the Indian colleagues admired my guts!
I have done crazy stuff and I would like to add this to the list. My happy memories perhaps??
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)