3 am

I could not sleep last nite.....

Was talking to Kutty last nite when he told me he is bringing his family to the States. I know this was coming but somehow my heart still broke. I know I am being silly here, Kutty belongs to someone else and I am just me...alone in this world...

I donno what is hurting me so much.....oh Krshna, I am crying my heart out now......is it the fact that I have lost him forever? Why do I love him so much?? I have no answers to it. He said he knows I am hurt...I told him this is too late.....he made his choice not now......it was years back... I do know why I am so sad, Kutty is the only person when I am with him I am my trueself, I never hid anything from him, I say whatever I feel and I am just me when I am with him. I am not sure if I will ever find another person like that in my life......hope?

I know I will be okay.... I am going to give myself this moment to cry, later I shall dry my tears and smile as I know life has more to offer...

Krshna might have planned for me not to have anyone in my life......and now I am prepared to accept it....I do wish I know wat is going to happen though...

Guess it is better to be in love and never to have been in love at all....I know dumb theory.....I am just trying to make myself okay...self healing is the best healing process I think....

Got to tell myself to smile......I am now.......that is good.......