Guys who create them in our lives......
P has been telling about her crush causing ripples in her life everytime he calls or sends her a message and etc.... I told her ya, I have my partner causing a storm in my life at this moment!!
We were thinking about all those guys who either created ripples or storms in our lives and we thought about us creating ripples in others life that we would have not known.... life is a circle I guess.....
I do believe that all the ripples and storms in life that is making my life colourful and worthwhile living...
Thursday, October 8, 2009
A J
The first guy who proposed marriage to me....
I got to know AJ when he was in Scotland...it was 1995.....I was planning to go to Glasgow to do my masters and when I surfed for info, I came across Uni of Strathclyde... I mailed their student support and received an email from AJ...and that was the beginning of a beautiful friendship...
AJ was a sweet Delhi-walla who was doing his Masters in International Business, he was single and he was nice...we wrote emails initially till he went back to Delhi and our emails became snail mails and we write...both of us...and when I mean by writing, I am talking about receiving aletter 8 or 10 pages long and I will match the length as well...
We really got to know each other well during those years of writing...we have never spoken on the phone... 1 day, AJ's work took him to Jakarta and from Jakarta he flew to Bangkok and later back home. It was in Bangkok airport that he called me...I was just entering my house when the phone rang and I guess I was shocked to know it was him...we spoke for a while...I was quiet...yeap...that was seriously not me!! He told me that when flying from Jakarta to Bangkok, he knew he was passing Penang and he was wishing that the plane would just stopover in Penang...he was sweet...
He went back to Delhi and the next thing I knew, I recieved an express mail...he was asking for my jathagam...he had told his family his intention to marry me...he calls me his international bride...it was 1997..I just lost my appa...and I could not bring myself to leave my family to be with him...I was young..scared of the unknown...new language, new people...and I said no...
End of 1997, I went to South India and the moment I set foot in Chennai, I called him...I will tell him where I will be staying and will give my hotel details and I know in the evening he will call me and we will talk for hours...whenever possible, I will call him...I got very familiar with STDs in South India..I will look for them whereever we went...from Ooty to Mysore to Tanjavoor... he kept telling me to come to Delhi...just take a flight and come and meet my family...that is what he told me....
In Feb 1998, he got married to a girl of his family's choice...nope...it did not break my heart...I love AJ but at the same time I knew I won't fit into his environment....
I did meet him...in 1999...the moment I saw him...I received a big hug....I know how much we loved each other.... his wife was not with him at that time, she was back in her mom's house...it was good to have met him...eventhough we did not say anything to each other but we knew we had something special...his mom was scared that we would do something...so she will always send a chaperone :-)
Anyway, lots of things happened in our lives.... till today we are good friends.....I know if he is okay or not by just looking at the hello in his mails....he will always send me an email the moment I think about him and somehow I know something is not right with him in my heart....
A couple of months back.....he made me cry.... he said he knew how we felt for each other but alas it was not meant to be.....I know that too......if he asked me now if I will marry him.....the answer will be......yes, without a single doubt in my heart and mind........
I got to know AJ when he was in Scotland...it was 1995.....I was planning to go to Glasgow to do my masters and when I surfed for info, I came across Uni of Strathclyde... I mailed their student support and received an email from AJ...and that was the beginning of a beautiful friendship...
AJ was a sweet Delhi-walla who was doing his Masters in International Business, he was single and he was nice...we wrote emails initially till he went back to Delhi and our emails became snail mails and we write...both of us...and when I mean by writing, I am talking about receiving aletter 8 or 10 pages long and I will match the length as well...
We really got to know each other well during those years of writing...we have never spoken on the phone... 1 day, AJ's work took him to Jakarta and from Jakarta he flew to Bangkok and later back home. It was in Bangkok airport that he called me...I was just entering my house when the phone rang and I guess I was shocked to know it was him...we spoke for a while...I was quiet...yeap...that was seriously not me!! He told me that when flying from Jakarta to Bangkok, he knew he was passing Penang and he was wishing that the plane would just stopover in Penang...he was sweet...
He went back to Delhi and the next thing I knew, I recieved an express mail...he was asking for my jathagam...he had told his family his intention to marry me...he calls me his international bride...it was 1997..I just lost my appa...and I could not bring myself to leave my family to be with him...I was young..scared of the unknown...new language, new people...and I said no...
End of 1997, I went to South India and the moment I set foot in Chennai, I called him...I will tell him where I will be staying and will give my hotel details and I know in the evening he will call me and we will talk for hours...whenever possible, I will call him...I got very familiar with STDs in South India..I will look for them whereever we went...from Ooty to Mysore to Tanjavoor... he kept telling me to come to Delhi...just take a flight and come and meet my family...that is what he told me....
In Feb 1998, he got married to a girl of his family's choice...nope...it did not break my heart...I love AJ but at the same time I knew I won't fit into his environment....
I did meet him...in 1999...the moment I saw him...I received a big hug....I know how much we loved each other.... his wife was not with him at that time, she was back in her mom's house...it was good to have met him...eventhough we did not say anything to each other but we knew we had something special...his mom was scared that we would do something...so she will always send a chaperone :-)
Anyway, lots of things happened in our lives.... till today we are good friends.....I know if he is okay or not by just looking at the hello in his mails....he will always send me an email the moment I think about him and somehow I know something is not right with him in my heart....
A couple of months back.....he made me cry.... he said he knew how we felt for each other but alas it was not meant to be.....I know that too......if he asked me now if I will marry him.....the answer will be......yes, without a single doubt in my heart and mind........
Monday, October 5, 2009
I am a grandmother..
I am a proud grandma of 3 puppies...
Juliet delivered 3 puppies on Monday and they are cute....nope, Romeo is not the appa.... 2 of her puppies are black and 1 just like her and they are all so cute...
We are all excited about them...they are growing up so fast...saw them today and they are crawling..yet to open their eyes and they r active...Romeo is kept at an arms length...but he is surely curious about them...
I have not named them yet...I thought Ophelia, Azelea and Hamlet....the problem is I donno if the puppies are male or female...
A grandmother at 38....not bad ya....:-)
Juliet delivered 3 puppies on Monday and they are cute....nope, Romeo is not the appa.... 2 of her puppies are black and 1 just like her and they are all so cute...
We are all excited about them...they are growing up so fast...saw them today and they are crawling..yet to open their eyes and they r active...Romeo is kept at an arms length...but he is surely curious about them...
I have not named them yet...I thought Ophelia, Azelea and Hamlet....the problem is I donno if the puppies are male or female...
A grandmother at 38....not bad ya....:-)
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Loosing faith
I knew I lost something last Monday....
7 days ago I did something...no regrets but I was just sad....very sad....I sold off my thalli....I knew I had to do it and I just did it, it was not easy, I was not strong but I knew it has to be done..when the person, B, asked if I am okay, I looked at him and said that I am doing this, do you think I am okay... I guess the guy knew me since I was a baby girl...I remember going to Market St and my parents will leave me at the shop and I will be sleeping on their bed...that's how close my family was/still is with these people... B told me that life has its ups and downs and I will be okay...when I handed the chain to him, a couple of tears dropped..
P was with me and I know she was talking to me trying to make me feel better...but I felt a total emptiness in me...I could feel something missing...a void...it was so physical as well...I could actually feel it in my heart...never did I experience this kind of feelings before...was I thinking of Kutty? nope, it was not about him....I know what it was all about....it was about loosing faith...it was about loosing what I believed in....I know I was going through all these earlier but it was the last identity of marriage that I discarded away and yes I felt the lost.....
A couple of weeks earlier, I cleaned my room and I threw away a photo of Kutty and I that I have had since the day I met him and it was always on my bed....when I was doing that, I cried a bit but it was not as big an impact as parting with my thalli...funny isn't it...I have already said my good-bye to Kutty but when it was time to separate myself and the thalli, it was still hurtful...
I told my doc, he said I will be fine...he said 'this is why I asked you if you are ready"....he knew I am not strong yet to do this but doc, no matter when I do this, i will still be hurt...P told me that we will have to look forward and hope for a better beginning.....Ms L told me it is okay....I will be fine.......my partner said good...you have finally taken the final step...he was happy for me.....
I did not feel like writing this much earlier....but today.....am okay......no tears as I am writing this....I donno what is happening with my life today or what is going to happen tomorrow... am I confused? am I denying the truth? am I not me?... answers to these are coming...slowly but surely coz I know I am in good hands...my angels and my Krshna
7 days ago I did something...no regrets but I was just sad....very sad....I sold off my thalli....I knew I had to do it and I just did it, it was not easy, I was not strong but I knew it has to be done..when the person, B, asked if I am okay, I looked at him and said that I am doing this, do you think I am okay... I guess the guy knew me since I was a baby girl...I remember going to Market St and my parents will leave me at the shop and I will be sleeping on their bed...that's how close my family was/still is with these people... B told me that life has its ups and downs and I will be okay...when I handed the chain to him, a couple of tears dropped..
P was with me and I know she was talking to me trying to make me feel better...but I felt a total emptiness in me...I could feel something missing...a void...it was so physical as well...I could actually feel it in my heart...never did I experience this kind of feelings before...was I thinking of Kutty? nope, it was not about him....I know what it was all about....it was about loosing faith...it was about loosing what I believed in....I know I was going through all these earlier but it was the last identity of marriage that I discarded away and yes I felt the lost.....
A couple of weeks earlier, I cleaned my room and I threw away a photo of Kutty and I that I have had since the day I met him and it was always on my bed....when I was doing that, I cried a bit but it was not as big an impact as parting with my thalli...funny isn't it...I have already said my good-bye to Kutty but when it was time to separate myself and the thalli, it was still hurtful...
I told my doc, he said I will be fine...he said 'this is why I asked you if you are ready"....he knew I am not strong yet to do this but doc, no matter when I do this, i will still be hurt...P told me that we will have to look forward and hope for a better beginning.....Ms L told me it is okay....I will be fine.......my partner said good...you have finally taken the final step...he was happy for me.....
I did not feel like writing this much earlier....but today.....am okay......no tears as I am writing this....I donno what is happening with my life today or what is going to happen tomorrow... am I confused? am I denying the truth? am I not me?... answers to these are coming...slowly but surely coz I know I am in good hands...my angels and my Krshna
Classified
I met a guy on chat whom I am calling classified....
Someone popped up on Friday nite and we were chatting, he is Malaysian and he was decent...what was cute about this guy is that when I asked if he has a name to address him, he said it is classified and within half an hour he told me his name without me asking for it :-)
Then he was going on and on that he does not want to tell me what he is doing coz ppl will be judgmental and all that nonsense and the 2nd time we chated, he told me his profession...I seriously burst out laughing at him. Till now he has not asked what I do nor did I tell him what I am doing.
My classified is cute, he wants to keep most info about himself private but somehow he blurts them out.....now I know what he does, how many rooms he has in his condo, what floor he is on and the fact that he has a half garden in his cond0 (what that means I have no idea), he drives a BMW 5 series and his best friend is his brother in law...... all these info within 2 chats :-)
For this guy who is so classified is now officially unclassified........an open case :-)
Someone popped up on Friday nite and we were chatting, he is Malaysian and he was decent...what was cute about this guy is that when I asked if he has a name to address him, he said it is classified and within half an hour he told me his name without me asking for it :-)
Then he was going on and on that he does not want to tell me what he is doing coz ppl will be judgmental and all that nonsense and the 2nd time we chated, he told me his profession...I seriously burst out laughing at him. Till now he has not asked what I do nor did I tell him what I am doing.
My classified is cute, he wants to keep most info about himself private but somehow he blurts them out.....now I know what he does, how many rooms he has in his condo, what floor he is on and the fact that he has a half garden in his cond0 (what that means I have no idea), he drives a BMW 5 series and his best friend is his brother in law...... all these info within 2 chats :-)
For this guy who is so classified is now officially unclassified........an open case :-)
Poem
I like this poem.....
Stop all the clocks
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone
prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone
silence the pianos and with muffled drum
bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves
let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West
my working week and my Sunday rest.
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now; put away every one:
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun
pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods
for nothing now can ever come to any good.
W.H.Auden
I like the part where it says: he was my north, my south, my east and west...my working week and my sunday rest.... how nice to have someone who is the air you breath and the reason for your living.......
Stop all the clocks
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone
prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone
silence the pianos and with muffled drum
bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves
let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West
my working week and my Sunday rest.
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now; put away every one:
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun
pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods
for nothing now can ever come to any good.
W.H.Auden
I like the part where it says: he was my north, my south, my east and west...my working week and my sunday rest.... how nice to have someone who is the air you breath and the reason for your living.......
Taking ownership
My partner asked me to take ownership of him....
Went to class on Saturday and it was good...statistics...something I could actually understand. During break, 1 of my coursemate wanted to go to BJC to buy AMOS and asked me to follow him. I took my handbag and I told my partner that I am going and he nodded.
My coursemate and I went all over BJC but we could not get the CD and we came back. My coursemate's wife was sitting with my partner and when I came in she moved away. That's when I told her it is okay, I don't claim ownership over him....my partner looked up at me and in a serious tone asked..."don't you want to take ownership of me?"
I was taken aback...did not know how to respond to him...I got scared...I know I like him and I used to say so much about him to P...I like the way he opens the door for me, carry my bag, decides for me, plans my finances for me.....bottomline, I just like him...I know why I am scared...I do want to belong to someone and here's someone suggesting to me (I donno if he meant it jokingly though) that he wants to belong to me....
Life.....
Went to class on Saturday and it was good...statistics...something I could actually understand. During break, 1 of my coursemate wanted to go to BJC to buy AMOS and asked me to follow him. I took my handbag and I told my partner that I am going and he nodded.
My coursemate and I went all over BJC but we could not get the CD and we came back. My coursemate's wife was sitting with my partner and when I came in she moved away. That's when I told her it is okay, I don't claim ownership over him....my partner looked up at me and in a serious tone asked..."don't you want to take ownership of me?"
I was taken aback...did not know how to respond to him...I got scared...I know I like him and I used to say so much about him to P...I like the way he opens the door for me, carry my bag, decides for me, plans my finances for me.....bottomline, I just like him...I know why I am scared...I do want to belong to someone and here's someone suggesting to me (I donno if he meant it jokingly though) that he wants to belong to me....
Life.....
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