My trip

Went to KL for the Raya holidays...

Saturday morning was hectic...P picked me up and off we went to her apartment to meet the guys who were going to do her bathroom ceiling...done with them, we went off to Lunas. On the way there, abang's wife called saying he is napping...so stopover at P's mom's place and had lovely coffee and thosai...

P dropped me off at abang's place and from there, we had to detour to Jawi as we had to meet abang's brother who will also be driving to KL. Over at their house, someone asked if Syafana (abang's princess) is getting a baju kurung when her mom answered no...Syafana is going to be in pavadai chattai...she said she is still Indian and somehow I could understand her well..

The trip was good, I was enjoying the view....finally someone else was driving and I was sitting at the back and playing with Syafana as well.. Somewhere near Tapah, abang asked me to take over, he wanted to sleep....

The moment I took over, abang slept off and it was just his wife and I were talking and that's when I really got to know her better... it was a very pleasant trip, I enjoyed the company and I enjoyed the trip...

The following days....now that is something to write about too :-)

Waiting

I am waiting.....

This is a good wait... :-). Yesterday as I was chatting with doc, we were talking about all kinds of nonsense and doc playfully said why not I make a trip to KL and I was actually thinking about it and then I told doc, yeah, why not? I was going to look for a bus ticket and went straight to my abang and told him that I might miss Friday's scrabble....

Abang is also going to KL and he offered me a lift...yeap....I am going to KL on Saturday morning and I am meeting my doc on Monday morning and I am all excited meeting doc again....I did ask doc to give me a hug and he said yes :-) and I am seriously looking forward to a hug...I have been asking for hugs and am getting all the virtual hugs from doc for a while now and it is about time I get a real hug...

At this moment, I am happy.... I am actually looking forward to meeting doc as well as my sister and her family. My sis when I called to ask if I can come over, her first words...pls come...we shall cook and eat :-) I have no idea what is wrong with her but I guess she must be bored eating what she cooks....

I am waiting for Saturday now...... I do hope doc is not going to get cold feet :-)

See you soon doc........

Sangeeta Hope

My baby girl's name.......

I always wanted to name my baby girl Sangeeta and baby boy Sanjaya....just recently, I wanted to add Hope behind Sangeeta's name. Why hope? I have so much hope about this life and at one time, I lost that hope....until now, I find that hope is back in my everyday living...what I am hoping for I have no idea but somehow I know I am hoping...

The nite when I realised I wanted to name my baby Sangeeta Hope, I was so happy. The next morning went to work and I announced to everyone that I am naming my daughter Sangeeta Hope....my abang was happy for me and so did the others....

I told doc too about Sangeeta Hope, he said good and then I made doc promise me something...told him that if I do not get a real Sangeeta Hope in my life, doc is going to get me a teddy bear and I am going to call her Sangeeta Hope......doc, if u r reading this...remember you promised me :-)

Krshna, can you please send me a Sangeeta Hope....you know I will love her more than anyone else in this world.....perhaps even more than you Krshna......

Missing something

I know I miss something......

Since Friday, I felt that I am missing something and this feeling went on till yesterday when I finally snapped out of it...

I just miss being in someone's arms, I just wanted to be held close to someone's heart and with his arms around me......he does not have to tell that everything will be fine, all he has to do is just to hold me close and never let me go till I fall asleep...

How did I manage to snap out of it? I just told myself that this is not going to happen.... no matter how much I miss this or want this or need this, I know it is not going to happen and the sooner I get out from these thoughts, the faster I will be able to function as myself...

I asked doc if this is wrong to think or feel and how does everyone cope??? Doc did not have an answer to my question, he said it is normal to feel this way... hmmm...I am now wondering how doc handles this feeling .... for him to know and for me never to find out I guess :-)

Anyway, it was nice, nice to be in love....but nowadays, I have lost all hope that this feeling will ever be in my life again... on Saturday, my partner, D, asked me why not I marry again.....I just told him that I am not able to trust another guy with my heart, love n life.... he said may be not now but one day, this might happen...

I am not sure whether what D says will happen or not, but at this moment I know it is not happening and the only thing I know is that I am sleeping alone in my bed every night and I know there is not going to be anyone holding me in their arms anywhere near the future....

Last nite while talking to Krshna, I asked him why did he awaken all these emotions? What is he trying to tell me? I am yet to find the answer.....Krshna, hopefully you will give me the answers later tonight....

Missing my doc

Doc went missing....

My doc went to Singapore for 4 days and I missed him so much on the chat. I wanted to message him but stopped myself from doing that as I know doc will have to pay more to receive the messages...

Earlier doc went to Sabah and I thought I won't be hearing from him for a week but thank god, doc msged while he was at his meetings...now I am wondering what was doc doing? sure not paying attention in his meetings la tu ;-) bad doc.....

I am not sure if it is already a year since I found my doc but it sure feels I have known him all my life. It is so easy to talk to my doc, talk about anything......he just does not laugh at all the silly things I talk, from clouds, to my romeo and juliet, to even issues on hugs, kisses and intimacy...

I am chatting with doc now as I am writing this entry.... and he said that he hope he did not disappoint me....God, doc is one person in life who did not let me down....I met him when I was going through a very tough time in life......he gave me support that may be he never realised how important it was. I still have an sms from doc, I asked him if I will be okay when I found out the divorce was final, his reply " you will be more than ok...u will be better". Doc I read the sms each time I feel down, I know at least you have faith in me when I start loosing faith in myself...

I would like to make a toast.......to a friendship.....that is beautiful, loving, unconditional....to my doc......love u loads.....hugs......

Athai payen

I found an athai payen whom I did not even know existed...

2 weeks back, at 4am, I went online to find an article and saw my cousin, T, online and I asked her what on earth she was doing online at that ungodly hour....her reply...chatting with our cousin...

Well, T is from appa's side of the relation and I only know her and her 2 siblings, so it was rather surprising I have other cousins in the same age bracket. She introduced me to this guy, whom when I asked him how to address him, he said call me mama! Well mama for me is my sister's husband, so I told him, no, I shall call you machan since I have never used the word ever in my life :-)

It was fun talking to him, we were flirting...athai payen right :-) He wanted to meet me immediately, told him no, I have my exams and assignments to complete, so could only meet him after a week.

We did meet up after a week and we really hit it off...my sister in law actually said that the way we mix, we looked like we knew each other for a long time. Machan did ask me where was I all these while...when I asked him why am I so comfortable with him??

I donno if this is going to last, our friendship or watever tat is suppose to be called, but it was exciting to meet someone new, a new family member to say...

I am back :-)

Been away for a while....

I was seriously tied down with work and assignments and had no time to update my blog. I have so many things to say... I kept telling myself that I have to write about this and that on my blog everyday but alas time was not on myside...

I will be free for the next three weeks and I am going to start writing again... I do hope I remember all that I wanted to say ... I know I will :-)

Doc, I am back...... I know you kept asking me to write and here I go....