DW & Deepavali

This is a long overdue post....

My dimple walla was here for Deepavali and I actually asked him if he wants to meet. He said yes for dinner but not at home. As usual dinner at 9 became supper at midnight. He called to ask if I still want to meet, I asked him back does he want to? 

Well he picked me up after midnite and we went to Pelita. I knew he wanted to tell me something....he was disturbed. It took him 3 hrs to open up...finally...it was hard to be in his position. All I could tell him then was that he was just dumb and he should live his life....people change...surroundings change....we just have to change and adapt....the past will always be there but we need to live this moment...

It was funny, after he told me his side of the story, he asked why I never asked him about his past, I just said thatI will wait till you want to tell me and today seemed to be the right day for you to do so. Friendship..it takes years to build the trust....I trusted him immediately but my dimple walla took his time to trust me back.....

Anyway, it was very weird when he suddenly asked me to remove my glass at the wee hours of the morning at Pelita, it was 3.10am. I told that I'm practically blind without them but knowing my dimple walla I did remove my glasses. He just sat there and looked into my eyes. I donno if he was looking for answers or clues or inspirations...😄

I didn't ask him if he found what he was seeking in my soul...I have a very messed up dimple walla. I wish I'm able to help him but I know him, he needs to do this on his own, no matter what anyone tells him, till he is ready he won't listen. I know coz I see me in him. 

To dimple walla, I'm always here...a friend  who can be your shoulder to lean on....

Silence....

Been really a long long time since I wrote here.....

Wow, lots of things had happened since I last logged into here. I will start writing about things I can remember bit by bit. I shall start with my car ride to KL with DW.

DW told me that he will pick me up after lunch and as always, I was ready by 2pm, all packed and ready to go to China. In the morning, I had to go to Georgetown to pick some ppl up from Miri, the boy was totally adorable, his name was Arthur, really a cute boy and I know he liked me too, he was just 8 yrs old!

Anyway, after lunch, I dropped the boy and his family to Queensbay, the boy insisted that he wanted to sit with me in the front seat of the car. I had a pleasant time with the family. I came back home and got myself ready and I waited for DW. And I waited and finally he arrived at 7.30pm. It was raining and he had another person in the car.

When I was in the car, he told me that he will have to drop me at Seberang Jaya as he wants to go back to his house and of course he could not take me along to his house and of course I was not prepared to meet his family. In the end I told him to drop me at P's house and when he was to start his journey, he can pick me back again.

We finally started our journey to KL at 9pm from Kulim. It was him, an uncle and his sister and I in the car. The uncle of course commented on my Tamil as I was answering his questions and DW volunteered that I am always talking. His sister was not so talkative, but I was my usual self and I had a fairly good time in the car. I knew DW was eavesdropping as he kept looking back at us. The uncle was to get down in Ipoh and when we stopped the car to drop him off, all of us came out and the uncle asked me to sit with DW as I can talk to him till we reach KL. It was past midnite and it was raining that nite.

I asked his sister if she wanted to sit infront but she declined. We had a good conversation, I was telling him that I don't know if I can be a good mother coz I don't even know what I am doing in my life is right or wrong and how can I bring up a child telling my child what is right and not.

Something about DW, he loves eating kuaci and he is so good with it. He had a pack of kuaci opened up nicely and placed near the gear box and he did not even drop a single kuaci all the way to KL. It was me who was more agitated with the kuaci's presence as I was afraid the whole pack was going to drop!

We sent his sister first to her apartment and then he dropped me. It was about 4am when we dropped her off. The drive from his sister's place to my sister's place was about 30 minutes and the whole 30 minutes he was very very very quiet. I didn't know what to say or how to behave and hence I just kept quiet too. When he stopped in front of sister's house, he did not come out from the car, I needed his help to remove my bag and he came down to help me. I asked him if he wanted to come in but he declined.

Sister was out and I introduced them, after he left, she told me not to tell mama as he would not understand. To that I asked her, what is there not to understand? I just took a ride with a friend from Penang to KL and that was all. I was upset.

My thoughts, I was happy with my trip, I did not understand the silence at the end of the journey, perhaps he was too sleepy, I don't know and I will never know what was in his mind....

1.01am

I had a conversation at 1.01am on Wednesday morning...

Dimple Walla/Starbucks (DW/SB) will be in town on Friday next week and I need to go to KL that weekend as my flight will be from KL to China. Hence I called him to ask if it is okay for me to follow him to KL and he said yes, he will be leaving to KL on Sunday after lunch.

As usual, we did not end our conversation there, it just went on with lots of topics to be discussed. We talked about being vegetarian and eating garlic and onion, we talked about Tamil, we talked a number of things... and the conversation led to funerals, Tamil funerals to be precise.

I was telling him that it is sad/cruel when they remove the thalli and break bangles of the widow during the funeral and to my surprise DW said that is the right thing to do. Apparently according to him, the widow is psychologically prepped to say that her bond with her husband is thus non existence and hence the that ceremony will do her good. Further to that, his family will present to the widow a white saree. I was really shocked when I heard that and asked him, "why don't you stop all these", forgive my ignorance here for a moment, I thought DW is different a bit from other Indian guys, hence I thought he will condemn to such actions but to my amazement, he said 'why should I? This is the procedure and that is the right thing to do"....

I was lost for words for a while and I did tell him that I am so disappointed in him. I told him that I thought he is one person who thinks outside the box and how could he ask anyone to be in a white saree and stop wearing bright colours or any colours for that matter. To that he asked me, when I got my divorce, did I remove my thalli... I told him, when I decided to be out from my relationship with Kutty, I removed 3 things: my thalli, my minji and the kungumum I put on my forehead. The bangles, the colour, the flowers all remained in my life as these were the things I was using even before I got married.

Personally, I would be okay if I choose to wear if my husband dies but not because society wants me to do so. I will remove my thalli, I will remove my minji and I will also respect the fact I am not going to be putting flowers on my hair... I might choose to do alot of other things to respect the memory of my husband but I seriously do not like this man-made procedures that is so biased. Why isn't it that a husband who lost his wife have an identity as a widower? Wearing a white saree, no pottu, no flowers that is how a widow should be then how about the widower? His life goes on as normal is it?

Another thing that upsetted me further was that DW said, a widow who is a mother should not be there at the front line during her child's wedding. Now tell me, how narrow minded can DW be? A mother who brought up the child is not allowed to stand there at the mannavarai just coz she has lost her husband? I mean she was the one who brought up the child for Godsake, she was the one who was there when the child cried, she was the one behind every move of her child's life and this big important chapter in her child's life and she is not allowed to be there.

I really really was disappointed with DW, I expected more from him, I did tell him about it as well... I did ask him why are we arguing about this, it is a matter of opinion and his opinion just does not matter to me...

It was 3.31am when we ended our conversation. I donno if he was arguing with me for the sake of arguing or was this his stand in life....

Saturday afternoon with Dimple walla

He came to my house...

I was suppose to meet dimple walla for dinner on Friday nite. He called me on Friday morning asking when am I free today... as usual, he did not wait for my answer and just said he will pick me up at about 8pm for dinner. Well I give up arguing with him... but just before 8pm, he messaged saying he could not make it on the nite and wanted to meet the following day at 2pm.

I replied no, can we meet at 3pm instead and he was upset about me changing the time. Seriously, dimple walla thinks he is the only person/agenda in my life!! I called him and we agreed to meet for breakfast at 9.30am and he did give me a fair warning saying that if he manage to wake up that early...

Anyway, I slept well on Friday nite contrary to my own jugdement.. I was not excited nope, am not fooling myself... I was just okay about meeting him. I was up early and gave Romeo, Juliet and Hamlet a nice long bath and cleaned up the front. I took my shower and I think I was ready for breakfast before 9.30. While waiting for him, I started doing my work and it was about 10 something that he messaged that he will be there by 11 as he just got up!

By now my tummy was making a bit more noise as I was seriously getting hungry and I had nothing in the house to eat....I just carried on with my work and finally at just before noon, he called me to say he has to cancel the appointment and hopefully we can meet next year. I said no problems but in my mind, I was scolding him and was thinking what am I going to cook now... I was about to put the phone down and he said he is actually out now and he is at Lebuh Pekaka..... right infront of my house.... and that was when I started scolding him:-)

I asked him to give me a moment to shut down my notebook when he said he wanted to come in. Now, last nite I did ask him if he wants to meet the dogs as he said he has one sitting right at his feet while we were talking, his mom's dog, but he declined the offer. Anyway, I thought he wanted to use the washroom and so I said, fine, park your car and just come in. Dimple walla is scared of the dogs...the 3 guys were not even barking at him!!

He came to the house and he saw my Krshnas and then he came to the kitchen and was checking out my kitchen and the backyard. We were sitting at the dining table when he asked if he can use the internet as he wanted to check his mails. I told him the net connection is in my bedroom and it is upstairs and asked if he was okay with that? My mind was working very fast, trying to figure out the condition of my room and I was seriously hoping to hear him to say no but he did not!!

We went up to the room and he got a schock of his life when he saw all the bears and soft toys. I only introduced him to Teddy, told him Teddy is 32 years old and he was impressed. Thank god Teddy is younger than him :-) Anyway, I set up the net connection and switched on the air cond and told him I will leave the room, he said no, stay in the room with him. We were talking while he was using the net... once he finished, he said, you really like Krshna and I told him that is an understatement!!

Dimple walla was nice, he did not say or imply anything else when we were alone in the room. We finally went for lunch, he took such a long drive and I was wondering what is wrong with this guy. Over lunch we were chatting away as usual, not so much of arguing these days but more laughter and more communication. We were talking about the Indus civilization and he has his on theory which of course only applies to him lah!

I asked him a question, whether he thinks he is superior than others and his answer did not surprise me at all... he said yes... and that made me laugh out loud. He laughed with me too and he was trying to explain why he thinks so... this is a guy full of ego and lacking greatly on humility..... this is my dimple walla and I do not expect anything less from him. He knows I can just accept him as who he is and finally I can see that he is accepting me as who I am....

We finished our lunch in 3 hours, we had a good conversation and I seriously had a good time with a friend. I know I like him alot, it is nice to have to someone to talk to and the fact that I do not meet him all the time is good too.

I am not sure when I am going to see him again... may be next year or may be sooner but whatever it is, I do wish him well. I like my dimple walla as he is and no matter how I feel about him, I just would love to be his friend and only as his friend as that is the only relationship I can afford to have with him...

The Brothers

I met 2 of his brothers...

On Monday, Dimple walla's thambi called and asked if I am free to meet him for coffee, I said yes and hence he came over after work...and along with him was this guy, the guy who I met the first time I met Dimple walla, the guy who was introduced as a friend...

When I saw 'the friend' I realised that he was so so alike Dimple walla, I mean not a replica but when you see him, you would know they are brothers. Now how did I miss the resemblance when I first met them beats me... I guess I was paying lots of attention to Dimple walla that I did not notice 'the friend'.

Anyway, I asked them if they are related and the answer confirmed my doubt.... I was talking to thambi most of the time, he was telling me about his new born baby and his elder son and was sharing his wife's photo. Out of sudden, both brothers were asking me why do I not get married... I was surprised by that question but still gave them an answer but I doubt it satisfied them. The brothers actually self invited themselves for lunch and was actually requesting me on dishes to cook. I was put in a spot of saying no, I did try my best to use the dogs as to prevent them from coming but they are kind of okay with dogs.

The guys were telling about their family, the number of siblings they have and etc. They asked me to invite dimple walla for lunch as well and when I said no need since he was in KL, these 2 brothers were looking for dates to come over to my house...

I am all okay with the thambi, but the 'so called friend' really irks me. He flirts with me, flirts very openly as well. I am still upset/angry with him and I just wish I can tell Dimple walla about his brother but I am not going to do it. I am able to handle the situation and all I want to do is to slap the brother no. 2. He is immediately after Dimple walla and the thambi is after him. Somehow thambi is a very jovial person, he smiles alot and laughs alot too and I really like him but I could not say the same with the 2nd brother... I am upset with him coz for me, I am his brother's friend, how can he flirt with me??? It feels so unethical and so yucky...

Abang saw me with the 2 brothers and of course I was complaining to abang about them on Tuesday morning. Today when I was going to go out for lunch, I told abang I am going out and he was asking which brother am I going out with... My abang is teasing me now and I am scolding him for making fun.... sigh...

Anyway, I am thinking of giving up on all 3 brothers... oh yes, the 2 brothers were actually asking if they can bring others as well for lunch for which I asked if they are bringing someone on the purpose of match making and if they do, both of them will be dead meat...

I really donno what is bothering me... why is it someone coming for lunch is bothering me, I love to entertain, I love to cook but why am I thinking too much about this? I am sure Dimple walla is not coming and I am not inviting him over, it is just the brothers... and I actually insisted that thambi brings his 2 yr old son... but I am still not inviting them over... may be 1 day i might.. and if that happens, I am sure it is going to be a long entry here :-)


I do hope it is the brother that I want is coming for dinner and staying till breakfast :-) Oh Krshna, what is so wrong with me? Hoping for the forbidden fruit.... sigh

An evening with Dimple Walla

I met him....

When I was in KL, we could not meet, he wanted to come at 1am to see me in my sister's house and I thought it was not such a good idea... so we met when he came over to Penang end of last month. I was waiting... :-)

He picked me up for tea, we were suppose to be talking for an hour as he was going back to his mom's place for dinner....but we ended up talking for 4 hours and we had our tea and dinner... we were just talking, I missed that, we were talking and laughing, there are no more arguments on issues, it is just pleasant talk... and for the first time he was talking about his wife and life. I was not jealous, I was not hoping that I want to be in that position or anything like that. I like talking to him, I want to spend time with him but I donno if I want him!!

We had a pleasant time, I was the one who kept asking him to go home while he kept continuing on with our conversation... what did we talk about? Life!

Now as I am writing this, I can think of a phone call I had with him last week... I was on the edge of breaking down...no, not coz of relationship problem or anything like that, I was hitting panic button because of my report!! Anyway, when we were talking we both realised that we were laughing alot and not arguing or being defensive and we both talked about it too... that was what I like about him, the fact that I can just tell him how I feel or how I want to communicate with him and he understands me better these days... may be it is getting to know each other longer makes it easier on our friendship...

I am thinking about him more ( I know P is going to laugh at this statement :-) ) but this is true, I am thinking about him but I am not waiting for him or missing him...not in that sense. I miss talking to him and I would love to talk to him everyday but surprisingly he is not the priority in life. Does is not love, I doubt it is, this is just loving someone whom I enjoy talking to but it is still something more to this....

Whatever it is, I am enjoying myself and that I think is the most important thing to do. I am not going to analyze on what is going to happen in the future or whether he feels the same way as I do, it is just about me, me in the present and that is all that matters...

Starbuck's brother

Yeap, I met his brother....

I have no clue why I am being introduced to one by one of his family members :-) Nope, nothing is happening between us, just that I know about his younger sister, now his younger brother and I also know that his elder brother is married and lives in KL.

His younger brother, he is cute, kind of looks up at the big brother. We went out for tea and to get to the place, we had to cross the road. Knowing how nuts I am about crossing the road, I told starbuck's brother that I will hold his hands and I did and we crossed the road. Somehow I know I would not have done that if it was just me and SB. Anyway, during tea, as usual, SB and I got into an argument and we totally forgot his brother was there. We only realised that he was there when we heard him laughing.....that was bad!!

I am happy these days meeting people.. I have no idea what is going to happen tomorrow, I donno what life is all about... but it is good.. as I am making a choice that life is good...

Tuesday, 19th Jan

Two things happened today....

Dimple walla is coming to town and he has time to meet in the evening ...he was here at 7pm and from the moment I picked him my dimple walla was joking away. He is a fun person to be with. We went to Pelita for a drink and he had his roti canai....I volunteered to drop him at his mom's place in Tanjung Tokong. We were chatting and discussing and it was surprising to know that my dimple walla is against gay marriages. It was interesting to know his reason...his eyes lights up when he talks about motherhood....I donno why that is so important to him but somehow it is....

Well tea time went to be dinner time and we had our dinner in Pelita too...I am not sure how many hours we were there but it was rather long...after dinner we went driving and ended up at the beach in Batu Feringhi and that was when I fell in love...nope, not with my dimple walla but with the sea!! It was such a windy night, the waves were strong, the sky was clear and the stars were twinkling and of course the company was great. We sat there looking at the nite, cruise ships looked tiny boats with lights decorating them which can be seen at the horizon, the light house in Mukah Head was shinning brightly.....dimple walla was humming a song...

It was lovely, sitting there and having a conversation.....we talked nothing but we talked something ... am I making sense? It is okay, I realised it is not a crime to be senseless at times...

I dropped my dimple walla after midnite in Sunway Carnival, he was meeting his brother there...I do wish I could have given him a hug before he left...that would have ended my evening perfectly....oh no regrets at all.....

My 2nd event was a big surprise...I was offered a job in KL, in HELP. I called HELP to check on something regarding work and as I was talking to the guy, he offered me a job, to work under him, I thought he was joking but he was not, he insisted on my resume and was asking about me and everything...he even suggested where I can stay and when I can start work for him...I have not even accepted to think about this and he had started to work out the details :-)

Well, I did send in my resume, as per my conclusion about life yesterday, I do want to have a change, am not afraid of loosing, so what if I fail, I shall be able to pick myself up and move on, it will be okay, I will have new challenges and life would be fun...these were my thoughts yesterday evening as I was talking to the guy over the phone... this morning as I was showering, I thought I should call this guy before going to work but he called me as I was coming out from the shower...I was still in a towel when he asked me if I am accepting his offer!! Ya ya..he did not ask for my hands but then again, it is nice that someone thinks I am an asset to them...he asked about mom and dad and when I said I don't have them anymore, he felt bad but he said, good, you don't have to worry about anything then, you can just come over....sigh (a good sigh).... He called me again when I was at work and said he is forwarding my resume to HR and he might need me to come in for an interview soon.....hmmmm....things are happening to fast but this is the only way I like it....

Am I going to take it up? Yeah, deep in me says do it......I want to be away from everyone, start new.......life would be living :-)

As for my dimple walla, I do hope I get to see him again today for lunch or tea before he goes back but he has a tight schedule...when he got down from the car last nite, he said he will be back in February and he added that if I am moving to KL, he can see me there too.....

Hints

Guys are dumb......

Ya ya, I know I am making a very strong statement and I am sorry to say this .....there is some exceptions here, guys like my dad, doc and few other souls I have met are not dumb at all but majority of them are....sigh...

Now why this statement.......I have been hinting to dimple walla about something and he keeps missing my hints.....either he is too smart or too dumb...sigh...sigh...hence the conclusion that guys are dumb...

I like my sms wars with him, he laughs at all possible time, he is all learned at times, he is all silly at times.....he is just a cute entertainer......oh how I wish I can have him always :-)

Dimple walla has made me look at myself deeper, his questions...his whys'...eventhough irrates me but made me answer them honestly.... somehow I know the answers and I do wish I could explain to him but he keeps getting the wrong message accross when I finally realised I have to answer them to myself and not so much for him....

Once again, can I have my Dimple walla???

Dimple walla

I met a guy.....

I met this guy I have been chatting for a while, nothing much when we chatted, he said he was a life coach and he irritates me on the chat with all his questions...now why I wanted to meet such a person is beyond my own reasoning...

I was in Shah Alam when he msged me saying he is in Penang and would like to meet if I am okay. So when I was back in Pg, I took the opportunity to meet him, he did ask me why I was okay to meet him coz I have told him he irritates me to the max, my answer... curiousity, I just have to meet the person who touches my brain cells....

Oh yes, he was sweet, I loved every moment I was with him. He brought his friend, the friend became a silent observer on that evening, we met in Starbucks. His friend was very quiet, but my dimple walla was funny, cute, witty, quick to respond...he was sexy :-)

Why am I calling him dimple walla? He has dimples when he talks and when he smiles, it was so obvious and I do have a soft spot for dimples!! We were in Starbucks for 2 hours and it was a good 2 hours of bantering each other, his friend just sat there not uttering much... I was very comfortable seeing my dimple walla, was just talking nonsense...it was fun...

I am still chatting with my dimple walla, I did not chase him away and that amazes me!!