8 years

It was 8 years back that I met Kutty....

I met Kutty on 8th February 2002. It was 7am and it was in Butterworth. I was so nervous, I did not have a clue how he would look like... I was waiting near a big young coconut, that was my landmark and he was on the phone trying to walk towards the car and the moment I saw him, I fell in love him....

I can see it all in my mind and at this moment as I am writing this, there is a smile on my face. Those were sweet memories. We went for a drive after dropping his colleague and her husband back on the island and we went for a drive. I could not bring myself to look at him, for the first time in my life, I was actually shy meeting someone :-)

He made me look at him and the next thing I knew he gave me his ring... we were sitting in the car and were facing out at the sea and he said this ring shall always be with you... the ring was too big, so he told me to remove my chain and he added the ring to my chain and he wore it for me... well that was sweet and romantic.....

When Kutty called, I did ask him if he remembered the day....of course without a doubt, he could not remember the date la :-) Anyway, I am happy now, happy I met him and happy I had that moment in time.... there is no regrets that I met him on that faithful day that changed my life forever.... as I always say, everything happens for a reason....

Krshna, thanks for all the memories, good and bad... I know you made them all so that I will learn to accept life the way it should be.......

Letter from my lawyer

Received a letter from the lawyer today...

My court hearing will be on 8th May 2009 at 9am and I am required to wear formal baju to attend the hearing... I did not read pass that page...was on the first page and I started crying..how lah to move on to the second page?

I know it is over....I know for a fact I do not want Kutty to be back in my life...I know why I am crying... I am afraid that now I know for sure that I have no one in my life...I am going to be all alone and I donno how to handle this....it is true that Kutty was never there for me in my life but somehow I know I had him...but now it is going to be over..

Doc told me I will be fine...my 'anney' told me that it is going to be a new chapter in my life, so he asked me to grab a pen and write my own story...make it as beautiful as possible...he asked me to write beautiful poems...to fill my days with joy and happiness...he reminded me the phrase by Vivekanantha.... " You are the creator of your own destiny", Ms L told me it is about time I let go of the float and start swimming on my own.

I am following all these advices and I know all my friends mean well.....somehow I know I will be able to go through this rough patch with the help of all my friends...I will be fine...a mantra I keep saying over n over to convince myself....

This is tough but I know it is something I have to face so that my future looks brighter....Krshna, I can feel that better days are coming into my life and Krshna I thank you for being with me all these times..and I know you will be with me forever.......

The End

I meet my husband 7 years ago today and today I called the lawyer to end my marriage to him...

What is this? What has happened in the past 7 years? Lots and the most I can remember were tears....buckets and buckets of it.

As I was talking to P last nite, she told me, that I am the person who does watever my heart desires and now I know, this is wat my heart desires, to be out from this mockery of a marriage my "better half" has made it to be.

I am a strong beleiver of romance, love and marriages and feelings n ....yes, I am the softie, I am the romantic fool but sadly, I was in a relationship where the guy did not feel all these, not even a bit.

It was funny today, he told me "I have never loved anyone else like I love you"...but alas, this is also the guy who married another girl and fathered a child and on top of that had an affair as well....

He asked me what I am going to do with a divorce from him....told him that I just want to move on with my life, I want to concentrate in my studies, I want to do whatever I want to do...

He just could not beleive that I will actually move on, that I will actually meet someone and I will fall in love with anyone...

He admits tat he is selfish, he said he did not want to loose me and all that he learnt about love was from me...the funny thing was, he never said all those before this, why now? I know the answer to that, he just did not want to have any problems, he is scared that this will have an impact in his life or more like his life without me.

Well, I am very sure of 1 thing now, I am sure I want to be out, out from this madness and just move on.

I have no idea how I will be in the future, whether I am going to be alone or whether I will be with someone who loves me as I love him but I am sure I will be okay.

Regrets? no....I beleive everything happens for a reason....

Krshna, hold my hand please, support me please, this part of the path is a bit rough, I am scared that I might tumble and fall and if I do, I know your angels will be there to help me up....but Krshna, please don't leave me now as I need you most now....