Telco Guy

An unbelievable indecent proposal...

I know this guy from a friend who was working in one of the telcos. It was a very casual chat, a hi here and a bye there. I as usual, do take whatever people say without questioning, there is no reason for questioning as it does not matter to me what your life is about.

Anyway, one evening after movie with KA and Vasu, we were having dinner and Vasu asked KA how come she is not married. I turned and looked at KA and there was this moment of bright light bulb flashing in my head. Why not introduce this guy to KA. They both have the same faith, age is more or less the same, why not?

I went on immediately on the introducing process, this was before end of last year. Arranged a meeting when both can make it but alas at the last moment, KA couldn't come, thus I ended up meeting Telco Guy and chatting with him. He was telling me his story, I just listened, I didn't ask for further details. Anyway, our chats were a usual good morning and how are you. I was keeping the communication open as I was looking for suitable time to get KA and Telco Guy to meet.

About mid of February, one lonely night (I am just creating drama here) Telco Guy texted me at the middle of the night, asked what I was doing. He started talking about being lonely and etc. and that was when he made an indecent proposal. He asked if I want to be in a relationship with him, a relationship where it consist of hugs and kisses.... I was flabbergasted, first of all, I am trying to pair him up with my KA and this was so not right, it felt like I was betraying my friend. I immediately told KA what was happening, we laughed, I kept telling her I did not flirt with Telco Guy, I was trying so much promoting KA to him. She between laughter said she knows me well and I don't even have to explain anything to her. Anyway back to Telco Guy, I told him am not looking for that kind of a relationship, am open for a relationship, a relationship that I don't have to hide. And what I am looking for in a relationship is a partner who shares his life with me, not to hide about me. I don't need to announce my relationship to the whole world but at least I don't have to hide it from my friends... Well, why am I giving such a long explanation here? Because, after me telling him this, telco guy just disappeared. No more morning messages, no more phone calls, it was total silence. Of course KA and I had a good laugh about it.

Two days back, telco guy emerged. Sent me a good morning message. I asked KA what shall we do now? I was just curious to know why did he disappear. Yesterday evening he called, asked if can meet, I said yes. I need to get my answer...I am just a curious cat, am guilty as charged.

He started the conversation by saying his granny passed away the morning after he chatted with me and he was completely devastated. I just listened. He was talking and talking about his granny's passing and also his cousin's passing. He said he went off to India (Ooty) for 2 weeks to find peace as he was totally going bonkers. I just listened. I only said I am sorry for his loss. I didn't ask why he kept silent, he could have just replied my message telling me his situation. He blurted out saying he miss his son. Now that was something new to me. I just kind of woke up! He told me much earlier on of his divorce....and that he has never been with a girl, ever! Well, Telco Guy was married twice and divorced twice and has a 2.5 year old son. 

I went back home and told KA about this. She asked what was my conclusion about this..I had a few, first, Telco Guy is a write off. I don't entertain people who lie, he could have just said he has a son and he is divorced. Nothing wrong in that, he lied saying he has never been with a girl! Secondly, I need to do more digging before I introduce someone to someone. I am dumb to think people are genuine, I don't question people when they say things about themselves. I noticed that I question alot when it comes to work or anything theory etc but not when it comes to people and their selves. Third conclusion, I am not into indecent proposals!

Ennai Maatrum Kadhale

A Tamil song that is disturbing my mind...

Ennai Maatrum Kadhale, Ennai Maatrum Kadhale, Edhayum Maatrum Kadhale, Kadhale.
Ennai Maatrum Kadhale, Unnai maatrum Kadhale, Edhayum Maatrum Kadhale, Kadhale.

This love that changes me, This love that changes me, This love that can change anything, 
This love that changes me, This love that changes you, This love that can change anything...

Is love that strong? Is it capable of changing a person. I have stopped believing in love. Past experiences have taught me well...

I did change and compromise more than I should when I thought I was in love once, I did not like who I was during and after the relationship. I was not me, I became someone who was so needy of love and affection....I still am now, needing love and affection, but it is different now. I ask myself is this what I want, is this okay with me?

I don't want to be uncomfortable in thinking I am being judged for my actions, I want to be comfortable with life, I want to know I am entering something knowing what I want and not care a bit I am being judged. I am looking for a partner who thinks and feels alike.

Love is definitely capable of changing everyone, we all know that, but how much we allow ourselves to change is solely up to us. 

EB asked me to elope, I asked shall we go to Timbuktu, he suggested Alaska, this is fun...what is this? This is just 2 person entertaining each other...

Thank you for asking me to elope, you make me laugh, that is love for me now....

Me

Me...who am I?

I have been defined as fierce, chatterbox, loving, sensitive or over sensitive, loud mouth and many more. I have endured all that. We do this, we give titles for people....she is always like that, very dominant, no wonder no man wants her.... A sentence I have heard too many times. I have come across this statement too...you are too fat, no man wants a fat girl, loose weight and you will find a guy...

Question is, have I survived all these? The answer, yes, am not surprised anymore with what anyone says about me. But over the weekend, someone close to me said that I am living a cursed life. It just hit me hard but I was surprised I didn't react. Perhaps, I have become too immune to everything thrown to me. Why a cursed life? What is a cursed life?

My life isn't perfect. I don't know what is the definition of a perfect life but I like my life. I have my ups and downs day but during my down days, I have my friends to lift me up. Perhaps I don't have that 1 person I can go home to tell him my day, but I honestly have not one but many friends I can tell what a crappy day I had.

Last night was chatting with 2 ladies in my life, 2 of us will be 47 this year and the other 44. We made a pack, no more crying for others, we shall live our lives the best we can and on our terms. If we need to cry buckets of tears, we will do it together as we truly understand each other.

This got me thinking, when you cry at 7 or 17 or 27 or 37 or 47, it is still tears, it still hurts, only the reasons and issues changes. I know I have changed and I am still changing. I am learning to be true to myself, true to my beliefs, true to my thoughts. This is my life, if I can't be the person I want to be now, when else can I then? I am far from perfect, I can be a pain, I know I am coz sometimes I shake my head looking at myself. But this is me, this is the path I have chosen, if this means I have to walk alone, so be it. 

I am meeting wonderful and not so wonderful people on this journey of my life. I have a blessed life, I have so many things to be thankful for me, my love for my Upperwalla is just love, I have no words to describe this love...I am blessed to all the little things I enjoy in life, the rain, the rainbow, the sunshine...and the list keeps growing. I am blessed with good friends, I love my kids. Well, cursed or not or blessed or not, this is my life!

My tag line for this year...be true to yourself...love life..

My EB

He is my Ensem Boy...

That is how I refer him, my EB. His real name? I still have no clue!! At this moment he is the one I openly express my flirtatious self. I have no idea how we met and when we started chatting but it feels like a long long time. 

My EB calls me BE, I asked him why BE? What does it mean? He said it is the opposite of EB. Yup, a simple answer that made me laugh. He comes up with the most amazing spellings, i.e. EB @ Ensem Boy! I wouldn't have thought the spelling in a million years! He makes me laugh with all the silly things we chat. Sometimes I call him sayang, it just comes naturally especially when I want to make a point...

I recall chatting with him when his mom was not well and when she moved on. The message he sent was one of the most memorable ones in my heart, he said something like "mom is on her way to met her maker". That message touched the core of me, I saw the beauty in departing this world, I felt it was so beautiful, when it is my time, I will be looking forward to finally meet the one I love and cherish most, my Upper walla.

I ask shamelessly for hugs n kisses from him. And he obliges without a wink. All this in chats but when we meet in person, we hardly even shake hands! I had told him a million thank yous...for letting me say "I love you". It is important for me to utter the words, least I forget I have a heart that is capable of love. I sometimes just want to believe someone out there still takes the trouble to listen to me and says he loves me too. 

My EB, you don't have to be next to me, you just have to be my virtual friend, a friend who entertains my silly demands for hugs...

I am not sure if you understand how much it heals my lonely heart EB, by just saying 'I love you' before I sleep at night gives me so much comfort.

Thank you my EB. I love you...

A melt down

Had a melt down a couple of days back...

My eldest niece finally agreed to get married to her long time partner, they met when they were both in Lower Six, it is a 10 years relationship with lots of ups and downs and drama! I was happy for her. Last year I had a chat with her, told her it is okay if she doesn't want to get married but chose to live with her partner. I had to brainwash her mom, my sis in law, that it is okay to be in a committed relationship. Anyway, it was a joyful occasion for her and her now husband.

As for me, the usual happened. I was alienated by my second sister and her hubby. They made me feel I was not needed there and that I did not exist. I was truly hurt, I am used to be ignored but somehow it still affects me. Been learning to be detached to everyone, but somehow I still am looking for that sense of belonging.

I realized last night that they have successfully made me feel that I am orphaned and all alone in this world. That reality hit me hard...at that moment, I did not turn to my Upper-walla, I just started crying. I forgot I have Him in my life, I totally didn't reach out to Him. Made me think, I just wanted to wallow in self pity....that's my fault, entirely my fault. I have said over and over that I have my Krishna with me but when I really need Him, it was me who did not turn to Him.

Lesson I learnt from this drama, life is short, if people choose not to be in your life, you have to just walk away. Don't wait to be invited back. I have to just chose to live the way I want, if I have to be on this journey on my own, so be it. 

I have my Krshna and He has given me good friends, I am happy.

As a friend this morning said "Life is a journey, learning.. never a mistake"

When I first spoke to DW on Sunday night, he was blabbering away, asked him what is it that you are trying to tell me, he said he don't know how to make me feel better. My dear friends, all I want is acceptance, to love and be loved. Am just a simple girl looking to belong...and I found it, at least for now, I know I belong to myself and to my Upper-walla. I am His, wholeheartedly...

A good morning message for me from one of friends....

Each and everyone of us have our purpose to be living this life. God has created us specifically to go through this life the way He wants it to be. We just have to not forget how awesome we are!

Cheers to life, it is beautiful....

My Trichy Trip

A shopping trip to Trichy...

Went on Thursday and was back on Sunday, our mission was to buy sarees for my nephew's wedding. The bride followed with me and my sister. The bride's sister who was studying in Chennai joined us. So four ladies shopping...boy it was fun from the minute go!

Our bride didn't have a clue what she wanted, she went with a very open mind. We were in and out numerous shops, she tried on numerous sarees and she was spoiled for choice. It was at the end of the third day that she found her saree, a bright orange with pink combination. It looked stunning on her, we had a happy bride.

I went thinking of buying only two sarees for my niece and one for myself but as usual I ended up buying four sarees for myself, two for my niece,  six sarees to be given away. An excellent shopping spree!

One of the things I wanted to do was to go back to Vaithiswaran to find some answers. I got them. Now I am looking forward to my answer. I am praying everything will be great.

I came back to tell K-A I had enough of India...three trips within 5 months is a bit too much to digest.  All through my trip to Trichy, I was hooked with this song from Kaatru Veliyidai - Azhagiye marry me marry me.. 

Azhagiye ...

Marry Me Marry Me

Azhagiye

flirt with me

Get high with me

Azhagiye ...

I fell especially for these lines........

thuli kaalam kaetten
thuli kaadhal kaetten
thuli kaamam kaetten
maru uyire..

My Trichy trip was great, I had a lovely time, the girls (bride & sister) were fun to be with. Sree Renganatha temple was magnificant. And now I am waiting for my  destiny to come true.....

Mr Singh

There's a Mr Singh at work....

I have a part time lecturer teaching Law at my work place. A nice friendly and rather chubby guy. He is sweet and that was all I noticed about him. Recently, my colleagues noticed that Mr Singh finds ways to come to my room and gets all chirpy and smiley when he talks to me. Once I entered the lift with some others and he was already in the lift and was about to come out, he stayed on and just chatted until I came to the ground floor and he went up again! The others starting laughing and they started teasing me and there I was totally denying playing any part in that drama! 

Well, yesterday, it was ponggal celebration at work and I made kesari. Mr Singh came late and when he went to the buffet table, someone said I made the kesari. He took so many pieces and came to my room and ate them. My colleague was here, the moment Mr Singh came, she left, and later said "I didn't want to come between you and Mr Singh". 

Baby Singh

Mr Singh and I had a good chat, first time we talked more about our families. His mom was born in Shanghai and moved to Hong Kong, thus, his mom side, are still there and Hong Kong for him is like his second home. His dad was born in Punjab but was working in Malaysia. He went back to Punjab and married his mom who came to Punjab to get married too. They then moved to Malaysia and raised their family here. We discovered that we enjoy travelling and Mr Singh has traveled quite a bit too.

Our conversation was interrupted when my staff started teasing him for being too long in my room. You see Mr Singh is fair and he turned red when he realised he was being teased. Me? I just laughed.

Office romance? We shall wait and see.....