Grieve

How does one grieve?

A mom who lost a son, a sister who lost her brother and a dad who lost his first born...the grieving process of each of them was different from one another. The mom cried each time she sees someone, she mumbles away her darling son is no more, she laments she won't hear his voice ever again. The younger sister who is trying very hard not to cry, she's trying to be brave, steps into the brother's shoes to care for the parents, controlling her own grief, hugging the mom whenever she cries, holds her dad's hand softly. The dad, ah, he welcomes people in, talks to them, pretend he is ok but alas you can catch him looking at the open space, looking lost...a family that is mourning...

Everyone's there, giving advises, God loves him more, he is now resting in peace, time heals, do these prayers for his soul, life is unfair, he is so young, you need to move on.....

I, I chose to keep quiet, let the family mourn. Having someone with you for 26 years and suddenly taken away, it is not easy. Life will never be the same. I won't tell you not to cry, I will let you do whatever you want to do, cry, wail, mourn the way you want. It is your loss, no one has the right to tell you otherwise...

The smiles and laughter might come back one day but it will be missing that particular laughter, no one can replace him but hopefully you will remember his laughter....

Krishna, take care of this family....

Miserable Friday

I had a tough Friday.....

I was basically crying the whole of Friday, it is Diwali the next day and I am feeling sad as I don't have anyone in my life....it just got overwhelming...the feeling that I am all alone in this world...that's the reason I decided to call my friends over for lunch...at least something to look forward to...something to cook... a reason to wake up and get dressed!!

Affair asked me to go over to his place in NT but I finished work late on Friday and on top of that, I was not in the mood to go anywhere... I called him on my way back and he said he was waiting for me since 5pm...I felt bad, I asked him if he wants me to come now, he said no, it is late... he asked me what is wrong when I told him that I know I am all alone in this world, he asked me to repeat my statement, I told him again the same thing, and for the 3rd time he asked me to say it again...it irritated me and I asked can't you hear what I am saying? He said no, it is not that, he told me to stop talking to him if I keep saying I have no one in this world...it caught me by surprise, he was sweet indeed.... I did tell him that he does not belong to me and vice versa and that is not what I am looking for in him...he said he knows that....he said no one is alone in this world....he was trying to cheer me up.....yes, as what P told me, he was being very sweet...

I was sad.....Kutty did not call me for 3 days and all I was thinking....Krshna, of all the things I told him, this is the only 1 he is following....I am hopeless...I don't deny that for a moment...