A wake up call

My youngest niece received her doctorate recently...

My youngest niece, K, was doing her Master's degree and it was upgraded to a Doctorate. When she told me, I was really very happy for her. I knew my brother would have been so proud of his little girl, he left them too soon, she was only 10 when he moved on.

Well, K told me only a day before her convocation that she got her PhD. She didn't invite me for her convocation and I didn't say anything about it. But when I found out she has invited others and left me out, I felt the hurt. This is the girl who chats with me everyday, who asks me all kinds of things, she knows I will always have her back but she thought I was not important enough to share her happiness.

My elder sister was around the weekend of the convocation. She was equally hurt, she was going on and on why all the secrets. I told her to let it go. My brother in law saw how affected the two of us were and he reminded us we did whatever we can for our brother's daughters.

Something inside me changed. I felt free...I love them but it is not the same. I questioned myself, why do they hate me or why is it it is okay for them to hurt my feelings, am I that bad a person? I wanted an answer but it dawned to me, I don't need an answer, I don't need to question myself. This is my life, no one should be able to affect me if I don't allow them.

I was advised by some good friends to rethink my relationship with my family.

That week I was a mess, 14th November was appa's birthday. I woke up in the morning missing him. My first thought was I don't have a father, I don't have a mother, I don't have a spouse, I don't have kids and I don't even have Romeo! I have no one in this life....and I started to cry and cry and cry the whole day. It was too much to handle...

But a 4am conversation I had with my dear Han on Sunday morning, changed my perspective. How I see life is how it is going to make or kill my life. Han was talking about her niece going through cancer treatment and that was a kick for me. Here I am feeling sorry for myself when I am perfectly fine whereas her niece has 3 young kids and she is fighting a life altering moment.

I changed. A good change.