Chaandaniya..

My Mr Moon..

When I was young and my dad was driving at night, I always imagined the moon was following me. I love the full moon, have seen some magnificent displays of full moon rising from the horizon. This morning a sudden impulse to glorify my Mr Moon, hence decided to listen to a couple of my favorite tune...this post is something easy on the heart. I have been in the emo side for the past couple of weeks, coming across sad news and trying to rediscover myself. 

This morning decided to listen to songs to change my mood and came across this song about Mr Moon...a romantic piece no doubt...from Mouna Ragam

                    Nilaavae vaa sellaadhae vaa

Ennaalim un ponvaanam naan

Enai needhaan pirindhaalum ninaivaalee anaiththaenae

Moon, come to me, don't go away from me

I shall be your sky always

You can choose to stay away from me, but your memories won't....

Another all time favorite is from the movie Indira

Nila kaigirathu

Nirem theigirathu

Yaarum rasikevilaiyea

Intha kangal mattum unnai kaanum

The moon is out, shining

Night time is fading

Nobody is enjoying it

These (my) eyes alone, see you

And this was the 3rd song for the morning...from the movie Mast Magan

Tujh bin sooraj mein aag nahi re

Tujh bin koyal mein raag nahi re

Chaandaniyaan to barsen

Phir kyun mere haath andhere lagde ne..

It seems there is no fire in the sun when you aren’t there,

and there is no music in a cuckoo’s singing..

the moonlights rain over here,

but why do I get only darkness in my hands?

                                                                                            Credit: Elena Eliachevitch Moment Getty Images

I have no idea why I love my Mr Moon, I just do and I am happy knowing he is there....

Grieve

How does one grieve?

A mom who lost a son, a sister who lost her brother and a dad who lost his first born...the grieving process of each of them was different from one another. The mom cried each time she sees someone, she mumbles away her darling son is no more, she laments she won't hear his voice ever again. The younger sister who is trying very hard not to cry, she's trying to be brave, steps into the brother's shoes to care for the parents, controlling her own grief, hugging the mom whenever she cries, holds her dad's hand softly. The dad, ah, he welcomes people in, talks to them, pretend he is ok but alas you can catch him looking at the open space, looking lost...a family that is mourning...

Everyone's there, giving advises, God loves him more, he is now resting in peace, time heals, do these prayers for his soul, life is unfair, he is so young, you need to move on.....

I, I chose to keep quiet, let the family mourn. Having someone with you for 26 years and suddenly taken away, it is not easy. Life will never be the same. I won't tell you not to cry, I will let you do whatever you want to do, cry, wail, mourn the way you want. It is your loss, no one has the right to tell you otherwise...

The smiles and laughter might come back one day but it will be missing that particular laughter, no one can replace him but hopefully you will remember his laughter....

Krishna, take care of this family....

I want to live...

Am I really living?

I wake up in the morning, get myself ready to work, work till 5.30pm, gym, meet friends or go home, sleep and I start over the routine day in day out. Sounds familiar? Almost every other person is doing that. Weekends might be slightly different, may be church time, temple time, lunch with family, a nap in the afternoon, market in the morning, cleaning the house etc....sounds familiar too??

We do this day in and day out, before you know it the year ends, we ponder for a moment what happened in the past 365 days, a couple of friends no more in this world, some cousins/nephews/nieces/relative got married, a few birthday celebrations...a few parties, a few drinks...are you nodding your head in agreement?

So, now my question, am I really living? Am I doing what I really want to do? Am I playing it safe? What is it I want to do now?

When I was in my 20s, I was asking the question what is the purpose of my life? Lessons in life, the turbulence I went through, the people I met, the losses I encountered gave me my answer, my purpose in life...to be happy. When I learnt and accepted that is my purpose, I stopped asking the question. I just knew I want to be happy. But now, I am asking, am I living my life?

I am happy, happy in my own way, I love my Krishna, I am comfortable with my relationship with Him, I am at peace, I sleep well at night except the occasional nights where my favorite coffee keeps me awake, I love my job, I love my travels, I love my freedom, I am surrounded with my friends....yes, I am contended.....is this living my life? I have heard phrases, I want to live, not just survive...is this what I am going through now?

Why is it I am not convinced this is really living my life? What is it I am seeking? Really, what is it that I am looking for now?

My Chettiar

He is one of my sweetest friend...

My chettiar appeared in my life about 7 to 8 years back. He is one funny dude, forever cracking jokes and what not over the phone but in person, he is such a shy guy! Through him, I met his mom, sister, daughter and his wife. Now the wife, is another character la....

Well, a couple of days back, he called me. I used to talk to him practically every other day while he drives back home from work. And over the recent years, he changed jobs and but the frequency of calls didn't get affected that much! Anyway he called coz he was frustrated over someone. First I thought it was the wifey..I know...I am bad :) But it was not about the wifey. It was about his colleague.

My chettiar's frustration was not even about work. It was his colleague's attitude. That guy apparently drinks 3 to 4 times a week and that was not even my chettiar's issue. The issue was about his colleague fooling around with other ladies, going for escort service (my chettiar was too polite to mention the word call girls) and now having a relationship with a married lady. I asked my chettiar, why are you angry la? Coz you can't do any of these things is it? He said NO! It is coz the guy is married for over 6 years now and he has a very nice wife. 

This friend of mine was going on and on on how married men should not be cheating on their wives, on what is going to happen to the wife la, on why men do all these nonsense la...

He was so sweet, I was totally amused. I hardly hear a guy being upset with another guy for having an affair or etc. It was really something different...

To my chettiar, please don't change, I love you just the way you are!