I want to live...

Am I really living?

I wake up in the morning, get myself ready to work, work till 5.30pm, gym, meet friends or go home, sleep and I start over the routine day in day out. Sounds familiar? Almost every other person is doing that. Weekends might be slightly different, may be church time, temple time, lunch with family, a nap in the afternoon, market in the morning, cleaning the house etc....sounds familiar too??

We do this day in and day out, before you know it the year ends, we ponder for a moment what happened in the past 365 days, a couple of friends no more in this world, some cousins/nephews/nieces/relative got married, a few birthday celebrations...a few parties, a few drinks...are you nodding your head in agreement?

So, now my question, am I really living? Am I doing what I really want to do? Am I playing it safe? What is it I want to do now?

When I was in my 20s, I was asking the question what is the purpose of my life? Lessons in life, the turbulence I went through, the people I met, the losses I encountered gave me my answer, my purpose in life...to be happy. When I learnt and accepted that is my purpose, I stopped asking the question. I just knew I want to be happy. But now, I am asking, am I living my life?

I am happy, happy in my own way, I love my Krishna, I am comfortable with my relationship with Him, I am at peace, I sleep well at night except the occasional nights where my favorite coffee keeps me awake, I love my job, I love my travels, I love my freedom, I am surrounded with my friends....yes, I am contended.....is this living my life? I have heard phrases, I want to live, not just survive...is this what I am going through now?

Why is it I am not convinced this is really living my life? What is it I am seeking? Really, what is it that I am looking for now?