That is the truth, I cry easily, that has been my defense mechanism. Life has been both kind and challenging for me. I strongly believe everything starts in the house, your foundation years are very important, how parents raise their children is an utmost importance in the kids emotional and mental stability.I thank my Krishna for giving me my appa, a very quiet man but who gave me the strength to be myself. As for my amma, I do have to thank her for not showing me acceptance and for making me feel I am not worthy at all...and hence she taught me how important it is to love and accept people as they are. When did I start being so sensitive? From young, I can feel, feel the hurt, feel the disappointment in my amma's eyes for having me, feel the sexual abuse, feel the emotional breakdown, feel the betrayal, feel the broken heart...my Krishna created me to feel...I am thankful to Him, by me feeling all these, I can relate to others, I understand how others feel too.
Perhaps whatever I am going through is not significant for others, but each's tolerance in pain differs, what is devastating to me might not be for others and vice versa...
Recent drama at home made me realize that people don't see what was the cause of the reaction, they only notice what was the action...and the blame goes to the person who reacted to the situation. Well, learn my dear girl, these are lessons in life. Learn to control your reaction, learn to walk away, learn to keep calm, learn to play the game (which I doubt I will ever be doing that la)...a big lesson to learn, the drama queen needs to learn to tone down her performance, to tone down her emotions, learn to laugh at herself....and most importantly, the drama queen needs to learn to detach. It is only with attachment comes expectations which could lead to disappointments.
Well my dear Jay, time to pick the pieces of your heart again. Only God knows how long I am able to carry on like this...may be the time to walk away from all these is coming nearer...looking at the sea and the birds soaring high is inspiring me to leave everyone and everything behind me and walk away and find peace..It's about time the drama queen draws down the curtain...sigh...another drama!!
2 comments:
I wish i can write an equally long list of advice and consolations or motivations in reply to your outpouring. but will reserve it for someone in the same predicament. not to you as i know u as a person of steel strength personality and someone who would not rest till you victoriously achieve whatever you set in your mind.
am i motivating you. No definitely not. am just saying what i feel.
as i was typing this i saw a quote by Barrack Obama on my table calendar
" the future rewards those who press on, I dont have time to feel sorry for myself
I don't have time to complain, I am going to press on"
You would have said this to your students.
what u going through now is just a bow while running to exhale all the accumulated carbon dioxide from the lungs
cheer up..... lead us
Thanks boss, I need that...
I do tell my students all the time to be themselves, be confident and do what they feel is right...I told them they have nothing to loose in life!
I am much better with myself now. Yup, I tend to wallow in self pity and I need a wake up call and it came from you....thank you once again..
There's more to life than this petty things :)
I shall go forth and conquer!!!
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