Relearning life

I am relearning life....

Last week, I woke up from my slumber to realise that I can't stand being me...I am talking the physical me, not the inner me. I actually understood why my mom did not like me, I stood infront of the mirror and all I could see is the ugly me, I could not see even a bit in me that I thought is beautiful....

Then it hit me, I have been lying to myself all these years, I keep saying I am beautiful inside and that is important. I always say that I am special, unique and I am who I am...but why am I doing that...I have to ask myself that question! I have been telling or consoling myself, I know I am not pretty hence to overcome that I've been telling myself that I have inner beauty...what inner beauty....that was the next question!

I decided on that day that I am going to stop talking to everyone. First I messaged Kutty to thank him and to apologise to him, thanked him for marrying me coz when I saw myself, I knew no one would want to be associated with me, no one would have wanted to introduce me as his wife....well Kutty did love me at one time.... I apologised to him for making his life tough, he had a choice not to marry me, but he did and he went through hell just because of me....

Then I set on telling all my important friends of my decision to go on hiding...I need time to know myself, to love myself, to be able to look at myself and not think that I am ugly..basically, I have to be okay with myself.....I received mixed reactions from every one of them...

I am taking this time to relearn how to live.....I am going on a journey that is giving me so many paths to choose and I am surprised that I am able to see all these different paths....I do know Krshna is accompaning me on this journey....