Love and life

Am not going to let anyone into my life...

Monday evening, I was having dinner with P when I told her this: I am okay to have short term happiness rather than long term sadness.... This came upon the fact that just the nite before I was talking to abang when his little girl screamed athai... that really made my day and I was happy for that moment in time... I like my theory about life on this... it is okay to have happiness here and there rather than sadness all the time..

I have been in love relationship that was hurting me all the time and at this moment, I can only associate love with hurt and not happiness. I used to be in a life whereby I did not know what was happiness... I was always afraid to be happy coz each time I was happy, amma would say something and spoil my day... I remember so many occasions that I will be crying becoz of her remarks... may be that is the reason I smile alot.... just to hide the fact that I am a very sad person inside me? hmmmm.. well anyway, all is fine now...

And this grand theory of mine made me realise that I am not going to even attempt to find anyone to walk into my life and to share my life with someone else. I am going to be on my own.. I have decided not to meet anyone anymore... it is just too hard to handle a heartbreak... call me a coward but I am fine with that too...

As I was asking P today, will I ever fall in love again, she said yes, then she continued, it is now about what you want to do about it that matters and to that I replied that I will stop talking the moment I know I am falling for the guy.. am not going to allow anyone into my mind.. I do not want to play any mind games...

So conclusion... happiness in short burst is all okay for me!!