My Ah Leng

He is my contractor and my big brother too...

Ah Leng came into my life in 2005, we were deciding to extend our kitchen among other things in the house. Appa's money came through and we thought it will be best to use appa's money on the house.

I met a number of contractors, they were all ok and I am not sure who gave me Ah Leng's number. When I was telling him how I want my kitchen to be, he started suggesting where my stove should be, facing east, good for feng shui. My Ah Leng does not talk much English, we converse in Malay and most of the time I will be lost in what he was trying to tell me. I have no clue if he knows my name as when I call him, I will usually say I am calling from Taman Pekaka. He however knows my profession. I was thinking then, this is going to be a beautiful beginning to a great friendship.

Ah Leng knew there were no men in my house, he promised he will only send his trusted employees to do the job and he will be there too. He started work on an auspicious day, he looked for all that! He saw the girls were very young then, he offered to buy lunch for amma, she was confined to her bed..I leave to work when the guys come and only when I come home, they leave. Ah Leng took me to shop for tiles, but then, he decided what would be best, I was only allowed to choose the colour!

He completed the job within 3 months, love my kitchen :)

Ever since then, Ah Leng has been doing all kinds of work on the house, he is always just a phone call away. Once he was doing my porch and I was in the midst of doing my doctorate and was busy doing something at home. He looked at me and told me to go and study, the men won't disturb me! He would ask if I had finished my studies and when I got my doctorate and told him, he was very happy for me. He saw me changing my cars and always told me I am doing the right thing! 

He was there when I wanted to buy my apartment, checked it out and gave me the go sign. He did up my place really well...finally he allowed me to paint the whole place white! 

A couple of months back, he came over while I was baking cup cakes to show me paint catalog. When he ate the cake, he looked straight in the eyes and told me to stop work and go into the baking business. A couple of weeks back, he came over with his roof guy and I had just brewed a pot of coffee. We left the poor guy on the roof under the hot sun while Ah Leng and I had coffee and fruits and was having a political chat!

Last Saturday, Ah Leng brought the new altar, I was really happy with what he had done, a solid altar, he choose the colour and he helped to fixed everything up. At the end of the job, we gave him K's wedding invitation, he was so happy and said he will definitely attend.

It was then I realised that my Ah Leng is part of my family. He is my big brother.  He has been taking care of all of us. Not only my Ah Leng, my Ah Beng too...my plumber. These guys have been in my life for over 10 years now, they come each time I call them and do the work sometimes even without taking any money! They know us well and it is comforting to know someone's taking care of us.

My Krishna, thanks for bringing Ah Leng into my life....am truly grateful to this wonderful friendship and trust!

Mast Magan

A beautiful Hindi song from the movie 2 states..

This song is my recent love, "Mann mast magan, mann mast magan" which translates to "My crazy heart, my crazy heart"... the lyrics are beautiful and the meaning is cute, but my blog today is not about my recent love..

I met my mentee today for the first time, she is on probation one, failed two papers in her previous semester. A confident girl, spoke well and with a lovely smile. She didn't look like the lost child, I knew there's more to her. I looked at her results, she almost failed her English paper, that was my 1st trigger something else is happening in her life as she spoke well.

We started a conversation, asked how are classes and her academic background. A Convent girl, ah, my alma mater, a good start... She said she had no time to study, I waited for her to continue, said her dad is not well. He just came out from his 2nd surgery....he is a stage 4 cancer patient, had a tumor...brain...doctors told the family that he has not much time to live. Her mom is a homemaker, her elder brother is the sole breadwinner, working as technician in Singapore, younger brother in college as well. She works part time in a tuition centre to complement her fees and expenses at home. She said all these with a smile, not a single tear and I was sitting opposite of her, holding back my tears. We made an appointment, to meet next Wednesday, to chat and find out how we can make this work.

After she left, I smiled. I was being a drama queen, cryingla, bitchingla, sadla etc. and here walks in a young girl, knowing her time with her dad is limited, burdened with financial issues, unsure what is going to happen to her and her family and suddenly all my issues in life became so insignificant...everything came to a perspective..

I can hear you loud and clear Krishna, I got my senses back. Time and time again you send someone to remind me there's more to life. I hope and pray I can play a tiny part in this girl's life, to bring her a bit of comfort and to guide her to walk steadily in her path.

I take for granted what I have in life, most of the time, all of us do that, we whine and whimper over small matters...when out there, someone is in the midst of a storm...

Boracay

It was a fabulous island getaway...

The blue sea & sky

K and I went to Boracay in December 2015 and we had a lovely time there. The journey itself was interesting. A flight to Kalibo then from there a bus ride for over 2 hours to the jetty and then a 30 minutes boat ride followed by a cab ride to our little cottage...yes, it took us almost a day to reach the beautiful island but oh my, it was so worth it

The beach was fantastic, the sky was blue and the sea was pristine blue...it was just amazing...

Beautiful back drop

Puka Beach, white sandy beach...beautiful sea

Our hut

The friendly eagle!!

Our Sunday mass...She looked after us

Sailing into the sunset!

We had a lovely time, sleeping in and just relaxing and heading to the beach whenever we wanted and jumping into the sea at every given opportunity. We thoroughly enjoyed our sailing to the open sea and around the island. The red pirates were 2 fantastic guys who accommodated all our whims and fancies. K did the cliff jumps with me just cheering her on la. I am a good cheerleader :)

Our real adventure started the night before we were suppose to head back home. I received a message from Air Asia canceling our flight as there was a typhoon heading towards the island...both K and I just looked at each other and we said we shall figure out what to do tomorrow. In the morning, there was power cut, no phone lines and we got info that all access in and out of the island was cut off! The winds were strong and it was pouring heavily. We drank our coffees, sat at the veranda and looked out at the garden. When the rain stopped, we saw the guy who was our cab driver walking to our hut and said we can leave. We were surprised, thanked God for making it possible for us to get out from the island.

Storm brewing at the back

Typhoon Melor was kind to us. When we were walking not a single drop of rain, when we stopped and waited for the cab, it rained so heavily we even thought it was going to flood soon. When the cab came, the rain stopped....we were really really lucky....but we didn't know how lucky we were until we met others much later!

Typhoon in the making..

We got into our cab and it started to rain until we reached the jetty. We got out and headed into the waiting area and the rain started. We only waited for 10 to 15 minutes before getting into the boat and the crossing over to the mainland was smooth, the sea was calm and there was no rain. We learned from others that they had to wait for the boat for over 2 hours! We managed to get to Kalibo, and we got a flight back to KL for the following day. We found a nice hotel and got ourselves a good night's sleep and good food! 


We flew out from Kalibo to Manila, and our flight was delayed coz the typhoon has headed towards Manila. It was over 14 hours of delay, we camped at the airport! It was here we met other Malaysians and heard their stories and we knew then God was watching over both of us! I told K, yup, Jesus and Krishna took care of us la...we escaped a typhoon without getting wet and everything and everywhere we went, everything went on smoothly...

Well, you can't blame me for being a drama queen la....I do have loads of dramas happening in my life :) 

Me the Drama Queen

I cry for everything...

That is the truth, I cry easily, that has been my defense mechanism. Life has been both kind and challenging for me. I strongly believe everything starts in the house, your foundation years are very important, how parents raise their children is an utmost importance in the kids emotional and mental stability.

I thank my Krishna for giving me my appa, a very quiet man but who gave me the strength to be myself. As for my amma, I do have to thank her for not showing me acceptance and for making me feel I am not worthy at all...and hence she taught me how important it is to love and accept people as they are. When did I start being so sensitive? From young, I can feel, feel the hurt, feel the disappointment in my amma's eyes for having me, feel the sexual abuse, feel the emotional breakdown, feel the betrayal, feel the broken heart...my Krishna created me to feel...I am thankful to Him, by me feeling all these, I can relate to others, I understand how others feel too.

Perhaps whatever I am going through is not significant for others, but each's tolerance in pain differs, what is devastating to me might not be for others and vice versa...

Recent drama at home made me realize that people don't see what was the cause of the reaction, they only notice what was the action...and the blame goes to the person who reacted to the situation. Well, learn my dear girl, these are lessons in life. Learn to control your reaction, learn to walk away, learn to keep calm, learn to play the game (which I doubt I will ever be doing that la)...a big lesson to learn, the drama queen needs to learn to tone down her performance, to tone down her emotions, learn to laugh at herself....and most importantly, the drama queen needs to learn to detach. It is only with attachment comes expectations which could lead to disappointments.



Well my dear Jay, time to pick the pieces of your heart again. Only God knows how long I am able to carry on like this...may be the time to walk away from all these is coming nearer...looking at the sea and the birds soaring high is inspiring me to leave everyone and everything behind me and walk away and find peace..

It's about time the drama queen draws down the curtain...sigh...another drama!!                                              

My new journey

I am going to embark on a new journey in life..

Events over the past couple of days made me rethink what is my goal in life. I am slowly but surely loosing the will to go on. A couple of months back I had this fear that I am going to leave this world and there's not going to be anyone with me but this couple of days, I am just praying that I won't wake up anymore. I sound like a drama queen but sometimes when people make you feel you are an option in their life, you loose it all.

And there is nothing to look forward to. 

I have gone through life lots... but I have taken everything with a positive attitude. I see everything as a lesson to learn. I have changed so much over the years, my arrogance, my ignorance, my superiority complex, I learned to correct myself, am still learning to be humble, learning to understand how others might feel. I learned that everyone is going through something in life and I have no idea what their journey is about and I told myself not to be a pain or obstacle in others' journey.

I am still subjected to some form of hurt once in a while. I have made myself stronger, stronger to block people and hurt away. I have learnt to deal with negative energy, walk away from confrontations, stopped being the problem solver and the peace keeper. It became too much to care for others, making sure everyone is happy and being the one who listens to everyone. K gave me a good analogy last night, she said that I have lots of love and affection to give away for my family but day by day the level is dwindling and I don't have anyone to help me to replenish the love. K is right. Of course the idea is to love without any expectation but I need to be recharged as well.

I thank my Krishna for all the support I get from my friends. I would have gone crazy without them. At least I know I can depend on my friends for love and care and for them to understand me. My friends take the time to listen to me, to comfort me, and love me as I am. These are all people whom my Krishna has sent to me...

But I also see people, my family to be precise, who are oblivious about what they have done to others, people who intentionally hurt other people's feelings, I should avoid people like this but my world is tangled with theirs...unless, yes, unless I leave them all and head towards sanyasam...My question has always been why do people hurt others? How & why do you find happiness when someone else is miserable? It won't take much for the misery to hit you back and there is always karma. 

It is a choice I make not to intentionally hurt another person. 

I am conscious of what I say or do and yet I do find myself at times being arrogant and getting angry, yes, time to examine myself. Life is to be respected. No one is higher or lower or better or worse than us. We are all following our path, our journey, the best we can.

Well, what is my new journey then? I have decided to go on a healthy lifestyle. Back to my rigorous regime of exercising and swimming and controlling what I eat. The target this time is to loose 40kg by the end of the year. I have done it once, I can do it again. I am going to write about my journey, make it my goal, something to look forward and get excited about. Something to focus on...

I know what is my issue nowadays, I have no focus, no goal, nothing to achieve nor look forward too....and that is about to change...

OK Kanmani

Someone is calling me Kanmani these days and it brings a bright & wide smile to my face each time without fail..

W appeared in my world rather recently and I enjoy my chats with him. It is easy to talk to him, there's no expectations and its a pleasant conversation all the time with him. Somehow he started calling me Kanmani, Poomani, Ponmani ...hahaha...it is sweet la and I don't mind the names..

Last weekend was in KL and had the chance to be with the little one. She was so cute, came to me and was okay being with me without her mother. She was watching Prabhu Deva's songs and had a beautiful smile on her face and yes, she was dancing to the Devi song and the little girl just turned one a week before that...

Well, when it was time for her to go home, her mom asked her to give me a kiss, and I received a big & wet kiss....the biggest and; wettest kiss ever and I loved it. I cupped her face and said "ok Kanmani, I love you" and kissed both her cheeks. She smiled so much that my nephew and his wife was so surprised to see her reaction.

Well, I am guessing now that the word Kanmani is a universal tool to bring out a huge smile in a soon to be a 46 years old lady and just turned one year old girl...how simple it is to make someone happy..

Thank you W for calling me Kanmani and for the lovely chat and sharing sessions..I know why my Krishna brought you into my life...you are here now at this moment to teach me how to smile again... as I am forgetting how to these days...

Rasaali

The song at the moment in my life is Rasaali from the movie Acham Enbathu Madamaiyada....

There's something about the song that caught my attention...the lyrics are beautiful and the voice...oh my...simply mesmerizing. I didn't know what was rasaali hence the search for the lyrics and meaning of the song. Here's a snippet of the song.

Rasaali Pandhayama Pandhayama

Nee Mundhiya Naan Mundhiya Paarpom

Mudhalil Yaar Solvadhu Yaar Solvadhu Anbai

Mudhalil Yaar Eyvadhu Yaar Eyvadhu Ambai

Mounam Pesamale Pesamale Sella

Vaavi Neeril Kamalam Pol Aadi Mella

Kanavugal Varuthe Kannin Vazhiye

En Thozh Meethu Nee

Naan Kulir Kaaigindra Thee

Hey Eagle, Is this a competition?

Let us see if you come out first or is it me.

Who will it be - the first one to propose our love?

Who will it be - the first one to throw Cupid’s arrow?

As silence goes by without saying a word,

it seems like a Lotus floating away seemlessly in a Pond,

Dreams come within my eyes,

that you are on my shoulders, 

You - the fire that keeps me warm in the Cold.

Well, where are you my rasaali? Been flying too high that I am not able to see you? Can you please fly along-with me, we shall soar together to a free world, without a worry..just reaching out to the sky and flying to an unknown destination. With you next to me, am sure I will soar to greater heights....I will be the wind beneath your wings as I know you will be my wind beneath my wings too...

Fly to me fast my rasaali, do come and shoot me with Cupid's arrow and I will propose my love to you....and let's break this silence..