Another Promise

He promised again........

Kutty called and he said he will come and see me one day and that made me cry...P was with me and I told her what happened...why is he telling me this he wants me to wait for him? I was telling her, I used to put my life on hold and wait for him to come to live my life...only now I am living my life for the moment and here he comes promising me again that he will walk into my life....

I know why I cried... I have told myself there is nothing between him and me but I do know that I still do love him... I do not know how to unlove him... am trying to move on and I do think I am making some good steps forward...

The call made me think and I told P, may be, I should just go and do something with someone...that's when she said...you want to have an affair with affair is it? It sounded like a great idea. I know affair and I are okay with each other ..... when I told doc about kutty's promise, he said, don't put too much hope in it and then I told him about what I intend to do, to have my fling, he said go ahead, he said love is an overated emotion and I added to that by saying marriage is also an overrated thing....are we so frustrated that we are saying this or are we so wise that we found the truth??? Makes you wonder right???

Anyway, I donno what I am going to do but if I am going to have an affair with affair....it will do good for me and I am sure I am not going to regret it.......

Promises and changes

People change.....

I am not sure why I need to write about this but I know this is something I have been thinking for a long time...Once in class, there was this title Promises...Promises...that was presented by 1 of the groups and I asked my partner ... why do people promise when they can't keep it... he as usual looked at me and said he does not know and he could not justify why people do so...he knew what I was talking about...

Kutty promised so many things to me...as simple as he will call me everyday to as complex as being with me for the rest of my life...but unfortunately...he is not keeping any of his promises..I do think about him..why do I do that? I donno but somehow I know I will never be able to forget about him even if I try hard to do so..he is embedded into me..I don't think I am anywhere in his memory or heart or thoughts...basically I am out of his life... he changed so fast...why am I not able to do this?

I did ask doc too, how come Kutty can change so fast and move on with his life...doc said people just change..but why then doc I am not changing.. I do belong to the category of people as well right? Krshna created me the same as others but why is it I am different? Why am not able to forget every promise...every moment spent together... every whisper...

Am happy and sad at the same moment...happy coz I know Kutty is happy...his family is coming soon and he is busy preparing to welcome them...yesterday was his daughter's birthday and when he called me in the morning, I reminded him about that...sad coz I know I am not welcoming anyone into my life...and I know I don't have anyone to welcome into my life as well..

This morning as I was driving to work, I was seriously thinking, may be I should just have a relationship with someone, no promises to be together for the rest of our lives...just at this moment be together... I really need an arm around me...is this wrong to ask??

I might just be making an indecent proposal soon and I know to whom I am going to propose to as well...Krshna if this is wrong and I am going to hurt myself, pls forgive me and pls be there to help me to cope with whatever pain I am bound to incur....