Yes, I went out with TM dude...
He asked if we could have tea on a Sunday evening, I said yes, I had nothing to do and I was bored silly at home and I was looking for entertainment. I told EB that I am meeting TM guy and he asked me to be careful..I mean seriously????
Well, anyway, TM guy started to tell his story. It was rather sad. I was sitting there and was telling myself, everyone has a story to tell. They look okay and chirpy outside but when you hear their stories, your heart just saddens.
TM guy went through a lot, it is sad but as he said, he will fight till the end. Sometimes there is no justice and it is disheartening to see someone loosing faith in God. I did not say much, just listened to him, he just wanted someone to talk to.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks, he was attending court and the night before he told me to send him positive vibes. I told him, I will do better, I will pray for him and God will be there. He messaged me in the evening, so elated that he got to meet his son, to hold him and to just spend an hour with the child was more than he could ask for. I could hear the excitement and the happiness in his voice. In the morning I asked if he had a good night, his reply was, after a long time, last night he had appetite and he ate well and he slept soundly.
I honestly don't know what is the truth but whatever it is I do hope TM dude will find his peace...
Sunday, May 27, 2018
A proud Malaysian
It was election on May 9...
A discussion that took place years back came to my memory. There were 5 of us, working together, head of schools and our routine at most evenings when almost everyone has left office is to make our favorite beverage and sit together to chill and to discuss any matters that sometimes is related to work/staff or just sometimes about anything under the sky.
One day, I opened up on a topic that I have read somewhere about how someone identifies themselves, it consisted on 3 factors and how we rank the importance was very interesting. The factors were: nationality, gender, religion. I posed this question to the group. Let me give a brief dynamics of the group, it consists of 3 guys; a Muslim Malay, a Caucasian from Melbourne, a Taoist Chinese, and 2 ladies, a Taoist Chinese and myself, a Hindu Tamil. We were rather surprised how we identified ourselves, the 2 ladies, ranked our gender to be top, followed by our nationality and the last was our religion/race. The guys I recall did not rank their gender top. We had a lively discussion on this and we saw how our nationality became an important aspects in who we were.
Now back to present day, the nation or at least most of us decided on that faithful Wednesday, 9th of May, to be united as Malaysian...we were not Chinese or Indian or Malay, we were proud Malaysians and we showed it to the world.
Nothing gives me more pride then to say I am a Malaysian and this is Negaraku, tanah tumpah darahku....
A discussion that took place years back came to my memory. There were 5 of us, working together, head of schools and our routine at most evenings when almost everyone has left office is to make our favorite beverage and sit together to chill and to discuss any matters that sometimes is related to work/staff or just sometimes about anything under the sky.
One day, I opened up on a topic that I have read somewhere about how someone identifies themselves, it consisted on 3 factors and how we rank the importance was very interesting. The factors were: nationality, gender, religion. I posed this question to the group. Let me give a brief dynamics of the group, it consists of 3 guys; a Muslim Malay, a Caucasian from Melbourne, a Taoist Chinese, and 2 ladies, a Taoist Chinese and myself, a Hindu Tamil. We were rather surprised how we identified ourselves, the 2 ladies, ranked our gender to be top, followed by our nationality and the last was our religion/race. The guys I recall did not rank their gender top. We had a lively discussion on this and we saw how our nationality became an important aspects in who we were.
Now back to present day, the nation or at least most of us decided on that faithful Wednesday, 9th of May, to be united as Malaysian...we were not Chinese or Indian or Malay, we were proud Malaysians and we showed it to the world.
Nothing gives me more pride then to say I am a Malaysian and this is Negaraku, tanah tumpah darahku....
A conflict?
Why this conflict in me?
I have always been the person who just follows my heart in whatever I do. I don't listen much to my brains/mind when it comes to matters of emotions. I am truly level headed and solely listen to my mind/brains when it comes to studies and work and I find that my heart does not play much a role here..
Well, now to the conflict, it is whether I should stop chatting with this one human being or should I just continue on...I told myself never to be emotionally tied to anyone after my relationship ended with Kutty, my ex. At this moment, it is not really emotional dependence I have with this person, it is just that I text him and I do wait for a reply, I even went to the extent of giving him a different message tone..customized the tone, so that I would know he had answered. I am the one who text him in the morning, chat with him in the afternoon and tell him good night which is added with a hug and love you.
I don't know why I am questioning myself with my routine with him now. Why am I asking "why am I the one who is always starting the conversation". I was asking this question over the past two days, why can't he be the one who says good morning first, why can't he be the one who misses me. Why can't he be the one who says good night with a hug and a love you? Why is it me doing all the talking?
When that thought came into my mind, I stopped and asked, why am I treating him a notch higher than the rest? Why am I having this conflict between my heart and my mind? Is this what I want? Why am I being so calculative?
I am able to answer all the questions, but, I am not ready to hear my own answers...
So for now, until my brain takes control of the situation, I am letting my heart rule...
I need to have my talk with my Upperwalla...
I have always been the person who just follows my heart in whatever I do. I don't listen much to my brains/mind when it comes to matters of emotions. I am truly level headed and solely listen to my mind/brains when it comes to studies and work and I find that my heart does not play much a role here..
Well, now to the conflict, it is whether I should stop chatting with this one human being or should I just continue on...I told myself never to be emotionally tied to anyone after my relationship ended with Kutty, my ex. At this moment, it is not really emotional dependence I have with this person, it is just that I text him and I do wait for a reply, I even went to the extent of giving him a different message tone..customized the tone, so that I would know he had answered. I am the one who text him in the morning, chat with him in the afternoon and tell him good night which is added with a hug and love you.
I don't know why I am questioning myself with my routine with him now. Why am I asking "why am I the one who is always starting the conversation". I was asking this question over the past two days, why can't he be the one who says good morning first, why can't he be the one who misses me. Why can't he be the one who says good night with a hug and a love you? Why is it me doing all the talking?
When that thought came into my mind, I stopped and asked, why am I treating him a notch higher than the rest? Why am I having this conflict between my heart and my mind? Is this what I want? Why am I being so calculative?
I am able to answer all the questions, but, I am not ready to hear my own answers...So for now, until my brain takes control of the situation, I am letting my heart rule...
I need to have my talk with my Upperwalla...
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