Monday, March 19, 2018

Telco Guy

An unbelievable indecent proposal...

I know this guy from a friend who was working in one of the telcos. It was a very casual chat, a hi here and a bye there. I as usual, do take whatever people say without questioning, there is no reason for questioning as it does not matter to me what your life is about.

Anyway, one evening after movie with KA and Vasu, we were having dinner and Vasu asked KA how come she is not married. I turned and looked at KA and there was this moment of bright light bulb flashing in my head. Why not introduce this guy to KA. They both have the same faith, age is more or less the same, why not?

I went on immediately on the introducing process, this was before end of last year. Arranged a meeting when both can make it but alas at the last moment, KA couldn't come, thus I ended up meeting Telco Guy and chatting with him. He was telling me his story, I just listened, I didn't ask for further details. Anyway, our chats were a usual good morning and how are you. I was keeping the communication open as I was looking for suitable time to get KA and Telco Guy to meet.

About mid of February, one lonely night (I am just creating drama here) Telco Guy texted me at the middle of the night, asked what I was doing. He started talking about being lonely and etc. and that was when he made an indecent proposal. He asked if I want to be in a relationship with him, a relationship where it consist of hugs and kisses.... I was flabbergasted, first of all, I am trying to pair him up with my KA and this was so not right, it felt like I was betraying my friend. I immediately told KA what was happening, we laughed, I kept telling her I did not flirt with Telco Guy, I was trying so much promoting KA to him. She between laughter said she knows me well and I don't even have to explain anything to her. Anyway back to Telco Guy, I told him am not looking for that kind of a relationship, am open for a relationship, a relationship that I don't have to hide. And what I am looking for in a relationship is a partner who shares his life with me, not to hide about me. I don't need to announce my relationship to the whole world but at least I don't have to hide it from my friends... Well, why am I giving such a long explanation here? Because, after me telling him this, telco guy just disappeared. No more morning messages, no more phone calls, it was total silence. Of course KA and I had a good laugh about it.

Two days back, telco guy emerged. Sent me a good morning message. I asked KA what shall we do now? I was just curious to know why did he disappear. Yesterday evening he called, asked if can meet, I said yes. I need to get my answer...I am just a curious cat, am guilty as charged.

He started the conversation by saying his granny passed away the morning after he chatted with me and he was completely devastated. I just listened. He was talking and talking about his granny's passing and also his cousin's passing. He said he went off to India (Ooty) for 2 weeks to find peace as he was totally going bonkers. I just listened. I only said I am sorry for his loss. I didn't ask why he kept silent, he could have just replied my message telling me his situation. He blurted out saying he miss his son. Now that was something new to me. I just kind of woke up! He told me much earlier on of his divorce....and that he has never been with a girl, ever! Well, Telco Guy was married twice and divorced twice and has a 2.5 year old son. 

I went back home and told KA about this. She asked what was my conclusion about this..I had a few, first, Telco Guy is a write off. I don't entertain people who lie, he could have just said he has a son and he is divorced. Nothing wrong in that, he lied saying he has never been with a girl! Secondly, I need to do more digging before I introduce someone to someone. I am dumb to think people are genuine, I don't question people when they say things about themselves. I noticed that I question alot when it comes to work or anything theory etc but not when it comes to people and their selves. Third conclusion, I am not into indecent proposals!

Friday, March 16, 2018

Ennai Maatrum Kadhale

A Tamil song that is disturbing my mind...


Ennai Maatrum Kadhale, Ennai Maatrum Kadhale, Edhayum Maatrum Kadhale, Kadhale.
Ennai Maatrum Kadhale, Unnai maatrum Kadhale, Edhayum Maatrum Kadhale, Kadhale.
This love that changes me, This love that changes me, This love that can change anything, 
This love that changes me, This love that changes you, This love that can change anything...
Is love that strong? Is it capable of changing a person. I have stopped believing in love. Past experiences have taught me well...
I did change and compromise more than I should when I thought I was in love once, I did not like who I was during and after the relationship. I was not me, I became someone who was so needy of love and affection....I still am now, needing love and affection, but it is different now. I ask myself is this what I want, is this okay with me?
I don't want to be uncomfortable in thinking I am being judged for my actions, I want to be comfortable with life, I want to know I am entering something knowing what I want and not care a bit I am being judged. I am looking for a partner who thinks and feels alike.
Love is definitely capable of changing everyone, we all know that, but how much we allow ourselves to change is solely up to us. 
EB asked me to elope, I asked shall we go to Timbuktu, he suggested Alaska, this is fun...what is this? This is just 2 person entertaining each other...
Thank you for asking me to elope, you make me laugh, that is love for me now....

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Me

Me...who am I?

I have been defined as fierce, chatterbox, loving, sensitive or over sensitive, loud mouth and many more. I have endured all that. We do this, we give titles for people....she is always like that, very dominant, no wonder no man wants her.... A sentence I have heard too many times. I have come across this statement too...you are too fat, no man wants a fat girl, loose weight and you will find a guy...

Question is, have I survived all these? The answer, yes, am not surprised anymore with what anyone says about me. But over the weekend, someone close to me said that I am living a cursed life. It just hit me hard but I was surprised I didn't react. Perhaps, I have become too immune to everything thrown to me. Why a cursed life? What is a cursed life?

My life isn't perfect. I don't know what is the definition of a perfect life but I like my life. I have my ups and downs day but during my down days, I have my friends to lift me up. Perhaps I don't have that 1 person I can go home to tell him my day, but I honestly have not one but many friends I can tell what a crappy day I had.
Last night was chatting with 2 ladies in my life, 2 of us will be 47 this year and the other 44. We made a pack, no more crying for others, we shall live our lives the best we can and on our terms. If we need to cry buckets of tears, we will do it together as we truly understand each other.

This got me thinking, when you cry at 7 or 17 or 27 or 37 or 47, it is still tears, it still hurts, only the reasons and issues changes. I know I have changed and I am still changing. I am learning to be true to myself, true to my beliefs, true to my thoughts. This is my life, if I can't be the person I want to be now, when else can I then? I am far from perfect, I can be a pain, I know I am coz sometimes I shake my head looking at myself. But this is me, this is the path I have chosen, if this means I have to walk alone, so be it. 

I am meeting wonderful and not so wonderful people on this journey of my life. I have a blessed life, I have so many things to be thankful for me, my love for my Upperwalla is just love, I have no words to describe this love...I am blessed to all the little things I enjoy in life, the rain, the rainbow, the sunshine...and the list keeps growing. I am blessed with good friends, I love my kids. Well, cursed or not or blessed or not, this is my life!

My tag line for this year...be true to yourself...love life..