My paradise

A couple of weeks back it was a very low time for me. I was trying to sort out my feelings...hell, I am still trying to sort out my feelings.

Anyway, what I am trying to say is that a couple of weeks ago, I saw this tree in USM that looked so beautiful as it was in full bloom and the flowers were practically every where from the tree top to the roots!

It was magnificent as the sun rays were also pouring on this tree....I have never been to paradise but I certainly do think that if I am dreaming of paradise, this is how it would be....

Laughter

This morning, picked up my friends and we were on our way to have our breakfast and something I said in the car made all three of us laugh so much. It felt good, the soul finally healing.

It made me realise on how fragile is our lives. Here is my friend who is happily married but at the moment she feels threatened as her mil is staying with her. In the begining she was actually thinking that she wanted to leave her husband if this situation is going to persist. How true about life...what is the most important thing in this life? Our love? Our freedom? Or space?

I do believe that being good has its disadvantages as people you love might take you for granted...but then again may be that is love..

I am really confused about this thing called love, probably my expectations of love is so different from other people. I am trying to fit in as everyone else but I am slowly giving up! Guess this is another reason for me to laugh out loud!!!

Silence

Been silent for a long time now. Been through alot as well...probably the reason for my silence...

I am starting back...my life.... somehow, whatever I went through in my life for the past 6 years seems to be a dream and I am finally waking up from that dream. I am trying hard not to face reality but I know it is about time I stop hiding behind this blanket called love!!

I think I am going through a healing process now, I have mourned and I have griefed and now I think I am starting on a new journey.

This is tough, 6 years of my life I spent it on lies...lies to make everyone else happy but me. I do think that the lies I told made my family made them think I was happy...why did I do this, so that the man I loved so much will be in the good books and so that I could save a bit of dignity.

I know what I did was not worth it but then I again I did coz I was desperate for love..I wanted to belong to someone, it was vry important to me but alas I married a person who thought my love was not enough, my dedication was not enough as he had to marry someone else of his family's choice.

He felt what he did was justifiable, I should understand and I would understand and I tried to understand...because of love, I tried my very best to understand and accept it. I wanted very little in my marriage, just for him to love me and be there for me but alas I did not get what I wanted.

I hoped and I prayed that he will always think of me as I thought his love for me was as strong as mine was for him...

I will never blame anyone for this, I was a victim, so was the other girl....

I will remain silent about this injustice as I found out, not many out there understands the pain I am going through!